Sunday, October 06, 2013
Supposedly I want to be a writer and a singer.
Currently I am an underpaid overworked local government worker (grateful for the income, don't get me wrong.)
The life that I "want" to live seems scary and unpredictable and "losable."
I just feel tired and don't want to think about it.
The things that are supposed to motivate me--the goals that have been in my soul since I was little--don't motivate me. They scare me.
I know what's going on with me--taking risks threatens my ego and my sense of control. My ego and sense of control have become little gods for me, and they are killing my spirit and sense of joy.
I am thinking that the solution is to "do the next right thing" and work toward these goals even though they seem scary. I am thinking that prayer, meditation, journaling, and support groups are going to be vital to my soul transformation from fear to wonder. I hope it works, that I can move from fear to wonder and joy.