Sunday, October 06, 2013
It could be any number of things. It could be that I'm still overeating, choosing high-sugar foods, simple carbs, etc. It could be that things are getting stressful around here. It could be that I've amped up my exercise and my body is responsively clinging harder to fat to stave off starvation.
But when I started this weightloss journey I was sad to have been at the bottom 190s. Now I'm a solid 195 (I've weighed myself throughout the day and it isn't fluctuating).
It's so disheartening. It feels like, now I've said aloud that I want to lose weight and confessed that I am unhappy with my current situation, I seem like a failure if I haven't at least lost the water weight. Those first five pounds should come right off as a pity-gift for my mental efforts.
This is just how it is. If you are taking the slow route, like I am, then you are going to have to get used to disappointment and figure out how to move past it. If you are jump-starting your weightloss with P90X and a paleo lifestyle (complete with parkour hunting skillz) then you'll probably see those pity pounds fall away faster. But I don't want that. I've made my decision, and I want to spend my time on yoga, cycling, weight lifting. I want to share my meals and bake through the autumn and pick up sales at the grocery store. So I have to make amends with my slowness.
Yes, this is the wrong direction of energy. I don't want to gain I want to lose. But it won't stay that way. If I keep going to the gym, keep eating big salads, hearty soups, snacking on vegetables, using yogurt "sundaes" to quell my dessert desires and a warm, sweet tea to settle me at night--all these methods will yield eventual results. I just have to be patient and let my body do what it is doing. I have to keep at it, build up strong habits, set myself up for winning.