Sunday, October 06, 2013
Life has been crazy. I have not been so. This is SOOOO AWESOME!!! :-)
The details don't matter so much, but my life is BRAND NEW today. New job, new demands, new challenges, new schedule, new goals, new endeavors. I AM NEW too, apparently...which just strikes me as a mother-f'ing MIRACLE! Because this week, the old me would have had SEVERAL pity-parties...all of which would have included compulsive eating, telling my husband I need to be single, fights with my mother, poor performance at work and a whole lot of fear and loathing. In writing that, I literally shook my head like a crazed cartoon character...I WAS that girl once upon a time. I remember her...but I don't recognize her in the 'me' who walked though this last week!
When I say I have more peace than I can describe...I still don't do what I HAVE inside justice. When I say that I excelled at my work...at both my new and old job...I mean it. When I say that on top of doing what I normally do with less time than I had before, I actually did MORE...and took on two new projects. I surprised MYSELF! And I did it all like I was wandering through a douche commercial. You know what I mean...all sweetness and light...air and babies breath.
I don't know who this person is is except to say that I have ALWAYS known her. She is the splinter of the Source...she is the Intended Self for whom I searched along the most twisted and winding of roads. She is the One who has ALWAYS been RIGHT THERE...waiting...for me to let go of ego, to let go of the idea of self, to let go of the need to control...and simply Be the One I was placed here to Be.
I worked hard this week. And yet I didn't 'work' at all. I have stopped dividing my life into work and play and family time and friend time and up time and down time. Presence allows me to simply see it ALL as just my experience in each moment. Those experiences ARE my life! And I breezed through that life this week like a kid in a candy store.
That's not to say I didn't have moments, slivers of emotion, both positive and negative. But I embraced what came...when it came, and that yielding allowed me to let it go when its time was over.
I HAVE NEVER LIVED LIKE THIS BEFORE! Never for any extended period of time. And I look back over seven days of this and wonder how I ever lived any other way?!?! No wonder I gained 100 pounds in five years! Food was not even an issue or concern this week. I ate what I wanted, in appropriate portions, at mealtime and never strayed from the program. I started a brand new job AND worked my old job with joy and gratitude. I looked FORWARD to walking the dog and busting my hump planting my Eden Gardens all over the yard. I made candles and wrapped soap for Saturday's al fresco Soap Box under the gazebo with a smile on my face and a song on my lips. I drank wine with ease under the canopy tree at a friends house one evening after work. I cooked a meal for another friend in need of some support and encouragement the night before. I read a book about growing sprouts (which I am starting to do :-) and moving to a blood-type specific food plan. I had my monthly massage and cried on the table as I talked to my therapist about the miracle of keeping the house. I didn't for a single second feel stressed or tense or pulled in a thousand directions like I would have at any other time in my life! It was miraculous. It IS miraculous!
My expectations concerning my program and Spark time will have to change slightly, as my life is changing. But I will devise a plan that does not include ever spending four days in a row away from Spark. SPARK is the thing that got me here. I will not allow that to be lost on me and I will not allow Spark to be lost in my new life.
AND I MISSED YOU FOLKS!!! I thought about each of you often and for different reasons! You have become such a part of my heart and psyche that dare I say it...you are my 'real world' friends...because you ARE all real...and you are in this world! :-).
I am changing and it is AWESOME! :-) Thank you all for the love, support and encouragement that helped to move me here! Again...I love you! :-)