150,000-199,999 SparkPoints 158,694

Wild Child

Saturday, October 05, 2013

This is part of my problem. See I'm a Wild Child, I've never wanted to be a proper ANYTHING! I never wanted to fit in or be a part of convention.

But life has tamed me. I have a son who will need me(or someone) to take care of him until the day he dies. I am the only one currently earning a stable living to pay the bills in this house. Life has forced me to be a grown-up and act responsibly. This has caused me a ton of depression and stress.

I have a wonderful hubby who TRIES to let me be me. He is also my biggest saboteur. See, he was homeless and food = love. There is WAY too much food in this house. And he makes certain that he gets every one of my trigger foods every time he has any cash.

I need to claim this to claim my heath and my life. I know I can do this. I know I can be healthy and strong. I know I can find my wild and be happy. I'm not certain where to look but I'm going to start following my heart. Hopefully it leads me home.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I so understand you , I am a free spirit and work in the most pigheaded profession and system ever. tell your hubby you'll make a garage sale with the trigger food :D.kidding , sorry, I don't know how you can resist with all those in the house emoticon
    1561 days ago
    You will never go wrong when you truly know your heart, and follow it. The heart is the master of all things, just tune in and go WILD!!!
    1562 days ago
    You can be both! Life does have a way of mellowing us out, but only if we let it. Keep embracing that wild child even as you have to "play the games" to make a living. It's a delicate balance, but I know you can do it.

    I lost my wild child for a bit while I was raising kids. Now I see just enough was out there and my kids, especially my girls, are a bit like me. I see it as a good thing. I used to bite my tongue and try to be more "professional" and now I see it didn't help. I need to be me!

    I truly believe people were made a certain way for a reason. We need the mellow, go with the flow people to balance out those of us that are more wild. I say embrace that inner wild child and just keep at it! emoticon
    1563 days ago
    Keep fighting back Kitty. You can find the balance you need to be happy. Use your exercise time as mini vacations to help lead you to the woman you want to be. You sound a little bogged down by everything right now and maybe you need a little break for a day. Day trips alone can be very refreshing.
    emoticon emoticon
    1563 days ago
    Honey, you can be yourself and still be a responsible adult. Being yourself is who and how you are; I think being responsible equates to actions you take in life. You can do both! Just be you. emoticon
    1563 days ago
    My computer is being such a dick! OK, first and formost, you don't have to give up the wild in order to be a responsible adult. You are telling yourself that and that is what is leading to your depression and anxiety! Wild Child is a state of mind, not your circumstances! Take the wild to your workouts; be crazy when you run, dance, box, use the stupid eliptical.... Follow your heart to the job that will allow you to be the wild child you are! It is out there.... So, you have to earn a living? Didn't you have to do so in the past too? Obviously talking to hubby about those triggers is not working.... Can you be strong and eat only 1 or 1 serving of those trigger foods? One thing I learned in family therapy instruction is the do it instead method.... Yep, it has a real professional name I can't think of right now, but what it involves is when you have a habit you want to break you do something else before you allow yourself to indulge.... For me it was candy bars, the minis.... I made it so I had to do 10 minutes of cardio before each candy bar. You don't like ST, so make yourself do 25 push ups before you allow yourself a Cadbury Egg or whatever.... The 2nd slice or 3rd slice of pizza.... Mainly it takes your mind off of the craving and it may be that you would rather skip the treat than do 25 push-ups late at night! Just a suggestion.... Don't ever abandon who you are and I promise you really don't hafta!
    1563 days ago
  • CANDOK1260
    emoticon emoticon FOR SHARING
    1563 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1563 days ago
    You can do it.
    1563 days ago
    I love that you are a wild child, own it baby! Do I need to come over and get hubby straight on better ways to do things for you? lol
    1563 days ago
    My dear, sweet, wild child friend. You can be a responsible adult, be the breadwinner and still be a wild child. You are already doing it! Just look at your blogs and pics. You can see the wild child in the pics of you doing your races and in many of your blogs. Of course, you can't be the wild child all of the time because you do have responsibilities like taking care of and being there for your son. When you come home though and go on your races you can let the wild child come out to play. Life is full of gives and takes. We all have to compromise to a certain degree with anything. None of us could be in relationships if we didn't know how to compromise.

    If food equals love to your DH. Have him bring you apples or strawberries or a salad or something else instead of your trigger foods. Let him know that you have a lot more love for these things instead of your trigger foods. emoticon Is there anyway you can maybe find a cabinet that you rarely get into and stuff those trigger foods there. That way you don't see them in your face all of the time. You can find a way to work through this! I know you can! You are a strong and determined woman. emoticon emoticon
    1563 days ago
    It hurts to find and set healthy boundaries, but it can be done.
    1563 days ago
    You can do both - There is nothing wrong with being the Wild Child , I too have that curse. I also have a Saboteur at home and it is hard - I give in too ! We can do it :)
    1563 days ago
    you CAN be wild and crazy and still be a grown up! I think after a certain time you realize what others think of you really IS NOT important! do what makes you happy!
    1563 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    You can be a wild child and a responsible bread-winner & caregiver. No reason you can be all of that. Need proof? Look at the last couple of years - you are already doing it. Sure you have to tame some of your wilder impulses, but that's not necessarily a bad thing it just means that you've learned to compromise and that's ok. Look where lack of compromise gets us (gov't shutdown) so learning that vital skill is necessary even for a wild child.

    If food=love then maybe you just need to retrain your hubby to bring you lettuce instead of Cadbury eggs. It's still food so it should satisfy his need to love you, but it's healthier for you so it will satisfy your need to eat well.
    1563 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    Reframing your thought: I * will* claim this to claim my heath and my life.

    You still have the "wild child" power within you, even if it can't come out and fly as free as it used to. It will always be there with you.

    Sometimes we have to be the ones who compartmentalize or change to adapt to our surroundings as much as it seems like it's not fair, especially if it brings us clarity, peace of mind, and the ability to function. We can bend, or we simply break. One of the hardest lessons to learn is that of control; how little we actually have, and how not to squander the amount we do have.

    Peace to you my SparkFriend, as you work through whatever process needed to find balance and inner peace.

    1564 days ago
    emoticon ....... Love will find the way .......... emoticon
    1564 days ago
  • MLH148
    I really enjoy sharing your journey. Continue to be YOU
    1564 days ago
    Hi...just from your writing I can think you're probably an awesome 'wild child'! But man, is it hard to find a balance, especially with a lot of stressors pulling at you. No words of advice from me, but I get the idea you're a strong lady and I hope you find your way. emoticon emoticon
    1564 days ago
    emoticon born free,as free as the wind blows as...............
    this could be written for you kitty love.keep on keeping on being the kitty you were meant to be. emoticon
    1564 days ago
    It can be done. You will figure it out.
    1564 days ago
    You'll find your balance. Just keep searching for it. emoticon emoticon
    1564 days ago
    I feel for you - my DH does similar things, for different reasons. It isn't easy to resist the treats every time.
    1564 days ago
    awww you are awesome and I love your wild child attitude. It's okay to feel and be "grounded" or rutted out for a bit...I do frequently with hubby bringing me ice cream or cooking several meals to accommodate everyone.

    But in the end you are right, this is your health and your goals. All of this is a learning card and we will eventually get it right :o)

    1564 days ago
    I believe in you, my dear. You are an awesome and strong woman, and the strength that makes you an individual, unique, wild child at heart is the same strength you can pull on to take care of all you need to take care of, including your family AND yourself! You Got This, my friend. I see it in your posts and in your zest for life.
    emoticon emoticon
    1564 days ago
    You have a lot on your plate and yet you keep on going and inspiring people. You are a force to be reckoned with! Nothing can keep you down.

    Keep following your heart!

    1564 days ago
    HUGS to you. I can understand a little more now how food = love for your DH. But that is a lot for YOU to handle because that's not YOUR interpretation of love. That's kind of a tough spot for you, and hope that you can work it out!

    And add to that the realization that you have a lifetime commitment to your son (now, EVERY parent makes that commitment to their children, but it's so much more when here is a challenge or challenges involved) and that causes a lot of stress internally too.

    Keeping you close in my good thoughts and know you'll be guided thru this to some resolution.

    1564 days ago
    Seems we are in similar situations, but we have to keep trying and realize that our own life is important. Good luck to you, Kitty.
    1564 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1564 days ago
    1564 days ago
    Hugs! You can do it!
    1564 days ago
    You will find your balance between wild and responsible. emoticon
    1564 days ago
    1564 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by BIGPAWSUP