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    TINASWEEP   71,423
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The Recap Episode


Saturday, October 05, 2013

This blog has been a long time coming, with lots of events and thoughts to report from the spring to summer. It's jam-packed, prepare yourself.

I cut off all my hair to have fun with my first pixie cut. I’m growing it back out and enjoying all the fun along the way, but another pixie might return in the future. I have also progressively learned how to better apply makeup, I love it. This from the girl who was never brave enough to care about my appearance because I never felt worth the effort.

I got my Ace of Spades tattoo, and now I'm tempted to add a squid tattoo to my shoulder and down my arm in the same style. Until I make that decision, my Ace has done wonders to conquer the doubts about whether or not I was asexual and whether or not there was anything I could do to “fix” myself.



I spent the summer dating The World's End, I went to it four times in the theater (it still has yet to hit the dollar theater so there's probably a fifth viewing coming up). The first time I drove to Chicago to attend an advance screening and a special Q&A after by the creators. It was a Bucketlist moment for me.



I ran my first 5K this summer with Team LadyAvengers: KAREBARE00, Kat, and Steph. I don't like running, so I promptly turned around and signed up for two more 5Ks this fall because I don't like running. The Ghoulish Gallop starring Halloween Tina on 10/19 and later Fugly Sweater version Tina in the Ugly Sweater Run 11/23.



I’m working too much in the hope of faking some semblance of financial security. This past week I averaged between 2 and 6 hours of sleep each weekday, and this is my first weekend off in a month. As I procrastinate and work into the wee hours I've been binge eating bad, oops. So I'm trying to deal with that by getting a better schedule in place and making the gym my third job.

It's where I get my reading in, mostly Merlin fic right now.

Due to the binging I'm up about 14 pounds. I was up 8 pounds in the spring, lost five, then regained it + 6. The yo-yoing of life begins. I feel like a sausage in my shorts and my one pair of skinny jeans and I don't feel the greatest, but I'm not going to throw in the towel. It'll come back off as I can manage and for now I've been wearing a lot of dresses. I've figured out how to repurpose my summer dresses for all seasons by wearing a light button up top underneath.

I need to accept that these ups and downs are a normal part of what we experience directly related to what we can manage at a given time. It will come off as I figure out how to deal within the limitations of time I'm facing. Starting with figuring out how to be more efficient in my kitchen.

Work isn’t allowing me enough time and energy left over to spend the 4 hours I want in the kitchen each day. Somedays I can barely manage 1 hour. I can't track 100% of what I'm eating anymore. It has me pretty consistently stressed out. I'm working this weekend to get back on track with menu planning that is feasible for this busier schedule.

As I contemplate the my own experiences of health and addiction, I am more and more convinced the main source of trouble is work. Or rather, the value placed on work above the time necessary to care for ourselves. Turning food into a convenience, relying on boxed meals or fast food to fit into the work day. When I was living in greater poverty I was healthier because I had more time to take care of myself.

Time is the commodity we need to take care of ourselves, but that's not possible as the employment game plays out and steals it all. It's all rather two-faced.

I would expound on the issue further, but well, I just don't have time. And I need to get the hot baked apple chips out of the oven, made with Cortland apples picked at a local orchard last weekend with Mere and Ray.



Little by little I have been opening up about my interests and about my food addiction instead of hiding them away. It's a sort of abbreviated effort to help others, sharing the resources I use on a regular basis split into four categories:
1) Community: friends & family, SparkPeople.com
2) Education: The Hunger Fix by Pam Peeke
3) Controlling my environment: Cooking Light and EatingWell
4) Affirmation: Jillian Michael’s Daily Dose Podcast

Many of these resources overlap into the different categories and it is far from an extensive list. There are endless articles and such that I browse to cobble together the bits of knowledge I need. But these are the mainstays that allow me to function and stay sane.

More and more I also find that I'm building my direct community of friends and family around me into the help and sources of support I need. That is a part of why I have been less present on my Sparkpage, so at least it's a good transition rather than I dropped off due to failure. I do wish I could interact more, to help support and further encourage everyone here, but I can only expect what I can manage. I just want everyone to know, we deserve the care and regard we show ourselves—today, tomorrow, 10 years from now, for a long life and a fulfilling journey.

In the meantime be careful out there. Pumpkin and squash season is upon us.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KANOE10 10/14/2013 8:34AM

    I love your tattoo. It is beautiful. You are right about the difficulty of taking care of yourself while stressed and too busy from work, My job is very stressful for me this year and I need to make myself not give up time for exercise and cooking healthy. Yes, eating healthy does require shopping and cooking which take time.

I am glad you have a strong support system with your friends and family. You are also doing great doing the 5k runs and exercising.

That is a good idea of layering summer dresses so you can keep wearing them. You are taking care of yourself!

I know you will figure out a way to deal with your time demands. Your plan and supports are excellent.

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TINAJANE76 10/12/2013 7:04PM

    It's great to see a new blog from you and that, in spite of your minor uptick, all's going well for you in life. You're a great source of inspiration for me and love reading your thoughts.

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JAIMESIZED 10/7/2013 9:41AM

    Thank you for this blog. I see I'm not the only one who has gained weight due to binge eating (I'm up 10 pounds). But you haven't thrown in the towel yet, and neither have I. I know how easy it is to do so, so I just wanted to say great job, and that that alone is truly an accomplishment. I'm sorry you work so much that you hardly have time for anything. I couldn't imagine how you feel, but I know with your motivation, you'll accomplish great things.

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CLEARNIGHTSKY 10/6/2013 12:42PM

    I am so happy for you with all you're accomplishing.

I relate to the inner conflict about work.

Thank you so much for this beautiful sentence: "I just want everyone to know, we deserve the care and regard we show ourselves—today, tomorrow, 10 years from now, for a long life and a fulfilling journey."

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