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Eating Instead of Feeling

Saturday, October 05, 2013

As many of you know I struggle and have been battling Binge Eating Disorder for years now. I had been doing pretty good, but the last 2 nights I have felt a sort of uncomfortable feeling...not even sure what feeling it is. I just know that instead of thinking it through and allowing myself to feel the feelings I have been stuffing myself with food. Very unhealthy to say the least.

I am not sure what I am upset about other than the break up with my boyfriend of 10 months. I just haven't grieved the loss. We have remained friends and so I live in a sort of denial if that makes any sense at all. Inside I know I am sad, but I just can't seem to feel the feelings. I avoid them. Sometimes I think I withhold the feelings because I am afraid to feel. I used to have victory over self injuring and recently when my emotions were way out of whack and were very painful I indulged in old pattern of behavior. I am so let down and afraid of it happening again. It really scared me as I haven't allowed my feelings to have that much control over me in such a long time.

I can't keep stuffing my face with junk and numbing out the pain. I just don't know what to do with the pain.

I found this on pinterest and I liked it. Maybe it will help others; some of you who can relate to the binge eating cycle. We can break free. It's just a process.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KAREN91 10/10/2013 9:42AM

    I have problems with binging on food too! I don't have any answers but I think writing a blog about it and facing the problem like you already have is a good start. emoticon emoticon

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MELLYBEANS0919 10/7/2013 2:11PM

    emoticon I don't think we can expect to 'get over' binge eating. You are going through a hard time, it is expected emotions are bubbling underneath and it is hard to let those emotions fully be. Can you talk to a therapist? That may be helpful. Also, I find personally, writing down what I think and feel to be helpful. Also, doing something creative to release those feelings can be good too: draw, paint, listen to music, play an instrument, whatever you want.
Thinking of you Cynthia.
You're strong.

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PGHP31CK 10/7/2013 9:22AM

    You are right -- overcoming this is a process. You recognize that it's happening -- that's good! Forgiving yourself is key. It's also good that you're blogging, which is a way to process your emotions in writing. Keeping a journal can help, too. Sometimes you just need a safe place to process it all, and paper (whether real or virtual) can be a great place to pour it out.

I'm an expert emotion-stuffer. Been doing it for most of my life, along with battling my weight. I'm working hard to become an emotion-expresser.

Praying for you!

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MRSKATEDUVALL 10/6/2013 10:36PM

    I think an important part of the process is to forgive ourselves for our weekness. Pain is hard. Hugs to you.

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ADIOSALL 10/6/2013 8:43AM

    At least you know why you binge...I've had DAYS of binging on sweets and I don't know why.

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STEVEN2GO2 10/6/2013 12:48AM

    I hope you manage to gain control of the binge eating and also able to deal with the negative feelings.

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PATTYKLAVER 10/5/2013 6:24PM

    It took me a long time to let myself feel. It will take time to heal from a breakup. Don't be hard on yourself.


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LAGUNAMAMA 10/5/2013 11:55AM

  I remember distinctly when I realized that I had a binge eating disorder: I was a recent college grad, and although I didn't live with my parents, I visited often out of boredom (read: no boyfriend, boring job, etc.) My little sister had recently gotten married and a bunch of her reception dessert leftovers were housed in my parents freezer. I would routinely find myself gorging on four month old mini brownie and cheesecakes. I didn't feel specifically depressed, just generally, and all of a sudden it hit me: oh my gosh, what a metaphor- my little sister has moved on to the life I want (husband/real job) and I am sitting here literally eating her leftovers!!! I am mourning my life by binging instead of doing something to change it!
Now, years later, I still binge. It's nearly always having to do with HALT, but sometimes even happy stress can make me binge. BUT! I don't let it overwhelm or overtake my life in the way it did years ago- I have a binge, feel a bit crap about myself for an hour, a day and move on!

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IMGLAMRUS 10/5/2013 11:48AM

    emoticon emoticon

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