Saturday, October 05, 2013
As many of you know I struggle and have been battling Binge Eating Disorder for years now. I had been doing pretty good, but the last 2 nights I have felt a sort of uncomfortable feeling...not even sure what feeling it is. I just know that instead of thinking it through and allowing myself to feel the feelings I have been stuffing myself with food. Very unhealthy to say the least.
I am not sure what I am upset about other than the break up with my boyfriend of 10 months. I just haven't grieved the loss. We have remained friends and so I live in a sort of denial if that makes any sense at all. Inside I know I am sad, but I just can't seem to feel the feelings. I avoid them. Sometimes I think I withhold the feelings because I am afraid to feel. I used to have victory over self injuring and recently when my emotions were way out of whack and were very painful I indulged in old pattern of behavior. I am so let down and afraid of it happening again. It really scared me as I haven't allowed my feelings to have that much control over me in such a long time.
I can't keep stuffing my face with junk and numbing out the pain. I just don't know what to do with the pain.
I found this on pinterest and I liked it. Maybe it will help others; some of you who can relate to the binge eating cycle. We can break free. It's just a process.