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Letting Go of Family is Sometimes VERY Necessary

Saturday, October 05, 2013

I measured the cheese, added one egg not two, cooked with 2 garlic cloves and a sparing amount of coconut oil. A perfect omelette. But I was thinking about my lying, cheating, secretive, depraved husband who I thought we were were going to work at repairing our marriage, sell one of the houses - we live in separate houses (the one I bought at age 22 before I knew him & my deceased parent's house).

But he's been screwing a concubine since March. I have ways of getting this information straight out of their mouths but they don't realize it.

I was so upset thinking about the lies, the perversion, the deceit that after I cooked this omelette to perfection and lifted the plate by the stove to bring to the table, that it just slipped out of my fingers and the plate broke, and the meal splattered onto the floor.

I ended up eating the quartered tomato from the garden and a very small onion bun with no butter. I'd just shopped yesterday and was so happy that I had milk and coffee, and some groceries, BUT last night, in my despair, I did cave in after an entire month of NOT buying anything with sugar and brought home two containers of ice cream on sale and yes, I was so upset, I ate 2 bowls of it for dinner and passed out from the sugar.

I'm not diabetic due to the way I eat, but I could be and should be with family history.

I've got to make a confrontation this weekend. I can't stand it anymore. Should I call this concubine and tell her that my husband continues to keep her a secret but that I know everything that is going on and that I'd had hopes of selling the house I bought in 1972 and having both of us spend our remaining years in this house (my childhood house) that I just had completely restored using govt. grants to repair and weatherize the aging insulation, windows, roof, etc. We even went to Florida in 2011 and I paid for his flight, the car rental and ocean & bay condo rentals, as well as horseback riding on ocean, snorkling with manatees, going to Seaworld and staying at a deluxe townhouse for 3 days. I wanted to see if we'd get along, enjoy each other's companionship and we did. We even had realtors sending up listings for winter rentals and buying condos. Sell one house, live in the restored house in the village, and spend 2 - 3 months a year in Florida, together. It was becoming a very happy dream for me.

But while we were in Florida, he kept saying, Hey why don't you get together with Agnes T. while here (your old h.s. friend) WOW is she HOT. And he would say things like, "I'm so glad you started that drum circle in the village. I think April O is HOT. She's so spiritual & positive. Be friends with her." or Hey that Christine F. is so photogenic, she's HOT." or hey that Roberta G. has huge boobs - she's a sex magnet. I'd like to bag her."

He's an aging, egotistical fool. While married and living together, he'd go into the bedroom after dinner, put on the most violent movies and lay in bed alone. I would refuse to allow my young daughter in there. I wouldn't either. He was always melancholy, depressed, and had no friends. Now he is out every night (since his last concubine of 6 years dumped him around the time he and I went to florida for a long vacation). He's writing VERY bad poetry and going out to poetry readings and standing before audiences. He does local theatre and is a very bad actor. He doesn't get paid. He thinks he's a famous actor getting ready for Hollywood. He's even done a few short films that are 4 minutes with bit parts that are TERRIBLE. He makes sure everyone sees them. Just horrible stuff. And his latest concubine thinks he's Robert Redford and she knows how to manipulate his frail ego. My friends call her the "Hole" that he was looking for.

My husband is an arrogant, conceited, dilusional aging man who thinks he is the cat's meow cause a concubine has allowed him access into her hole world.

This anger and hurt is going to bring on cancer and disease. I need help. My daughter is still living there because he hands her meals on a tray in her bed. He cooks greasy unhealthy foods.

I had assisted her with modeling from age 15 - 20. We had gym memberships, and I fed her healthy meals. Today, she's a college student, and is realizing that she needs to eat healthier. She's stopped eating all the fast food her father brings into the house and serves her. She'd still rather be there because he has never given her curfews, laws, rules, limits, consequences, and he does her homework and laundry and the two of them live in a hoarder's house filled with garbage and filth that he tries to sell on EBay and Craig's List. The house I bought at age 22 is now going into ruins. It's very filthy and he doesn't care. I went there for years after I moved into my deceased Mom's house and cleaned it. I spent $100 a year on new mops, mop buckets, bringing over homemade cleaners, brushes, dishclothes, towels.....He is a real slob.

I just read he was by the nude beach (where April goes to) and she commented on FB "glad to share the sand with you. Sunnyside up." This woman just broke up the marriage of a Rabbi. They all think that they are "Free Spirits" and HAPPY. He is out dancing at nighttime in bars with his concubine - and he's been sober since 1989. I'm praying this concubine isn't going to insist as he buys her drinks that he drink with her. It would be devastating to him if he slips up because he was a late stage alcoholic years ago.

I need to finish varnishing the sailboat door panels and wipe my mind clean of this man. I need to wipe my heart dry and think of only being at peace and keeping my current state of mind calm. Othewise, I'll go off the deep end and into a gallon of ice cream.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You're right...the emotions are toxic. He will not care about your only hurt yourself if you can't let it go. Most bad eggs don't even realize that they have done anything wrong and will not claim your pain for their own or take responsibility. It is what it is. You have good common sense and know how to take care of you...that's all you can do. Wish I could talk with you! Be blessed and hang in there.
    1532 days ago
    My goodness. Please take care of yourself. Don't absorb toxicity. Be strong and find help to talk this through with if possible. You deserve to s smile.

    1532 days ago
    emoticon I'm sorry
    1532 days ago
    So sorry to hear that you are having such an emotional hard time. I have always found that I am better able to handle stressful situations if I eating and living healthier. Keep yourself healthy and the number one priority. emoticon
    1533 days ago
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