"..Today's assignment is to list all the reasons you want to lose weight. What do you want to change? How do you want to look? How do you want to feel? What things will you be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body? And list all the OTHER things that you want to change!
Please put this in a blog, on your Spark Page or record it here. The most important thing is to have a written record to remind yourself of your goals and motives. During the 56 days of this challenge it will keep you going when you remind yourself why you are doing this.
Think of yourself at the end of the Challenge having accomplished your goals! "
Let's see, I may have said this before but that's okay. It's good, I've been told, to write these things down and embed it in my mind.
I used to say I want to be thin for vanity reasons. No noble ones there, I know. I want to wear the cute dresses without crying when I look in the mirror. I want to wear heels and have men say "dang, I hope my wife looks that good" and the women to say "dang, I want to look that good."
But now it goes beyond that. As you know my bp is pretty crazy. As I have always been a "sickly" kid I used to tell my inlaws that I would be dead in my 40s. I truly believed my body would just give out by then. It wasn't a morbid thought in my mind. I just knew my body had been through so much. I have had open heart surgery at the age of 18 due to a thing called WPW, in a nutshell "rapid heart beat". I would open the door and BAM 248 beats per minute and climing. It would get to the point of passing out. Then my heart would stop for about 3 seconds before resuming to normal...so I guess you could say it was years of a slight heart attack. Anyhow, at 18 I spent the summer in Wilford Hall Texas having it fixed.
Since then I've had my kidneys rebuilt, my bladder lifted and rebuilt, I'm slowly going blind and my ears are 80% tone deaf. I have had over seven surgeries.
So, my thought was there's only so much my body can take.
Now I'm in my 40s. And I want to live. It appears that the problems I'm encountering are all the things I see on the Biggest Loser as "weight related issues". There's no reason my blood pressure or blood sugars to be this high.
I have decided NOT to just accept the fact that my body may give out in the next ten years. I have traveling to do with my husband, whether I can see it or not is irrelevant. I have future dinners and grandkids to brag about. I want to have that lifestyle of family coming to dinner beside my beutiful vineyard telling me about their lives...okay, so I saw that in several movies regarding Italian families but still, that is what I want. Pretty simple and right now feeling soooo hard to obtain.
So, I have been in the 170s for nearly two years now. Granted I've lost 20 lbs since 2009 it's really time to drop at least another 20. I'd like to try for ten this challenge. (both the Tangerines and the 5%)
There it is, in writing. 10 pounds.
Really, I keep thinking it's just going to be diet related. I'm being lazy and unmotivated and I know better than this. I'm getting to the point it actually aches my body to move and I hate that feeling. (anyone know what I'm talking about?)
Today I walked Mallie-pup to her vet appt and back. It was probably 2 miles total and I mowed the lawn again. It did feel good and I need to remember how good it feels to move once I get going. I'm going to have to get it in my head to "just push play" in the morning before I do anything else.
I am so desperate to kick start this weight and blood pressure that I have tried weaning myself off of coffee. I'm sure this is a HUGE part of why I feel like crap the last couple of days. I can literally sleep for 20 hours only to wake up and take a nap. I am glad I'm cutting back the coffee and going through this because I hate that I feel this way, which makes me want to cut back coffee even more. I did break down and had my daughter take me to Starbucks for a triple grande Pumpkin Spice Latte. One cup in 3 days. not bad. Been trying to keep with herbal teas. It's not a "give up coffee", it's a "coffee is a treat, not an addiction" is what I am going for. and hopefully by eliminating the very loved Coffeemate French Vanilla creamer from my diet....well, we'll see :o)
So, there it is.
On a good note, I have moved from my Jillian weights of 3 lbs. I'm pretty sure I'm ready for 5 pounds except for the side lunge things. One those you do a side lunge and your arms go out in front of you at eye level. Those still hurt at 3 llbs. But, I know if I get consistent that too will get easier...and maybe I'll be able to do a real push up by the time I'm done with this thing.
Oh! and I have a wedding that I'm in on the 27th of this month. Would like to be heading on the downward for that. Weird, I've met this woman ONCE and I'm a bridesmaid ... my friend of ten years getting married in February and I'm NOT in that one. Could it be her guy hates my guts? Probably, but it's still worthy of a pout. I don't know. It's pretty casual, footballs jerseys and what not so maybe she's not having any bridesmaids or something. In any case it's about the bride so I'll show up and support her as that's what friends do, right?
There you go. my Spark weight feelies and emotions. The why's and how's. Now to just
Goal: 10 pounds and to take back my goal dress from my girls :o)