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A few one-liners for your tea break.

Friday, October 04, 2013

Sex
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.


Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig'n bike.


Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick b*stard...


The Agony of Aging
On the morning that British Summer Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with shoe polish.
I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".


Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
"For God's sake, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you f*rt?"
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