So...after much disarray, I went through a few weeks of intermittent crap-eating. It started almost three weeks ago when I found out my Type 2 Bipolar medication - lamictal caused me to have an allergic reaction after being on it for five months. It's a rare, deadly rash and my psychiatrist had only seen it in one other patient after she was on it for a YEAR. X__X He DID forewarn me before taking the medication that it could happen, but I figured I was safe after not getting sick from it and no symptoms for over a month. Yeah, I was wrong. After him telling if A., B., or C., happens, I need to go to the ER, I went into a panic...binged...quite a few times. My anxiety, worries, panics, etc. have made me eat far more times than I'm proud of. It took a week and a half to completely dissipate with medication and luckily I'm in the clear...weekend after that I slept over at the BFF's house. She's very overweight too, but...eats whatever she wants. I normally have a splurge meal for dinner the nights I visit her. It's always planned. But when you get up the next day...and don't have your normal foods there to eat...you tend to screw up a few more times...
I'm also on a low dose of Remeron. It's an antidepressant/appetite stimulant/sleeping pill. I thought I'd be fine with the appetite suppressant because I'm on the lowest possible dose. With the lamictal, I never had any extra cravings with Remeron. Now that I'm not on it, it's been more of a struggle and I've been caught quite a few times obsessing about eating super spicy foods...and then I would engage. X__X
Psych put me on a new mood stabilizer - Latuda. I tried it yesterday...also a low dose. Took it at 5:45..ate dinner...took a shower (HUGE struggle) and by 6:45 I was in a near comatose-like state in which even rolling onto my side was a chore. Didn't expect it to happen. If you're wondering at my weight why I'm on low doses of meds - they hit me harder/faster than most people. I was even on the lowest dose of lamictal (which is why I assumed that I wouldn't get that dangerous rash on my neck, chin, face, chest, etc).
THEN on September 25th was my 24th birthday....so..then that next Saturday..I had awesome ribs at Famous Dave's...along with fries and some boneless wings. From sunday on, I've been back on eating healthy. My body was nice to me and if I ate fast food twice in a row, my it rebelled and gave me bad stomach pain from not being used to it - further incentive to eat well. :) I checked my weight two days back...and I had only gained 4lbs from all my crap eating. I felt SO relieved since I had put off the horror of weighing myself. Four pounds...tsk...I can lose that and stay on track again. I want my health too much to be done for good. It's hard doing it alone, but if that's the only option I have - then it's how it's gonna get done.
I'm going to have health problems for awhile yet, but all my blood work has significantly improved - minus my extremely low vitamin D levels...but I'm on 50,000 units twice a week for that. :) After time, that'll get better too.
I'm just glad I got back on track before I did any more damage.
I was so excited last weekend I fit into some work pants at Lane Bryant that were 18/20's! WOO! They were stretchy and I can't wear regular pants that small - but it's progress!! I remember...my first ever pair of jeans Grandma took me to buy in 6th grade. I went to a Catholic school so we always had to wear uniforms. We tried finding me jeans to wear for a special "Jeans Day" at school. When we finally found a pair for me to wear...depressingly in 6th grade they were size 18's. I was so...mortified. She wasn't mean about it or rude...I don't even remember her saying anything about it at all...which if she did - I probably would have since this is the same Grandma that's infamous for "You'd be so pretty if you lost that weight."
Can't break everyone's bad habits, right?
I did notice that during those weeks I wasn't eating healthy - I strayed from the message boards. I still tracked my food, but I found you guys have been...great help and support for me when I'm ON the boards talking to my teams. So I want to thank everyone for their support and kind words. You've been a great impact on my life and you don't even realize it.