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Its all clear as mud

Friday, October 04, 2013

So i thought about it today... i gained 57 pounds in under 7 months. In order for that to be true, that means i over ate by 950/day for that entire 7 months.... yeah i dont think so! actually i know better than that. There has to be another explanation. I do have to say i deserved it after hardly eating 800 cal/day for months in order to lose the pounds just to gain back almost twice what i lost....

this also made me realize that weight loss and gain isn't as simple as calories in, calories out and BMR. If it was i could lose weight incredibly easily but the body doesn't work quite like one would think. Not to mention weight loss is so much more than physical its mental and that part of me has never seemed to come to terms with health or fitness in general.

I was listening to a SparkPeople Podcast as I was doing things around the house tonight and one of the guests said this "there are no "good foods" or "bad foods" " there are just calories and you want to make those calories count by eating the most nutritious foods. And the problem with labeling your food as good or bad is the shame and guilt you feel when you eat something bad. I was beating myself up before kickboxing tonight about how i ate so bad today even though i was within my calorie range. And i certainly could have used my calories more wisely and chosen better foods but i tracked every bite today and still wasn't over in my calories.. i should be happy and excited about that. But instead i was upset, felt guilty and killed my awesome mood i had going because i chose Taco Bell over an apple for dinner. I can't keep doing this to myself... i really cant.

The reason for my wonderful mood was 2 things: i made a motivation board tonight that i put up in my fitness room :) it needs more work and decorating but its started and that makes me feel accomplished. number two: my awesome bf Scott called me on his lunch break to tell me he is moving all our workout equipment to the new house tomorrow!!!! finally i can lift weights at home
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Today I read a blog about being a "closet eater" which i had never heard the term but that is so me! I hide it when i eat McDonalds breakfasts (which has been under 3 times a month now) or if i drink a soda I hide the bottle in the garage until garbage day so Scott doesn't see it... REALLY?? i'm hiding empty cans and old garbage?!?! yupp total closet eater, or like at work when i take a treat fromt he break room I wont eat it at my desk by my coworkers, I always eat it in the breakroom where they cant see me... why am i so ashamed and hiding?? because i'm scared everyone will judge me for eating a brownie when i say i'm trying to lose weight! that is exactly it. so i'm done. done worrying about people judging my eating habits just because i'm trying to lose weight. I'm also done comparing myself to the other girls in my kickboxing class..... the don't have 67 pounds to lose so they're bodies have a better range of motion plus most of them have been kickboxing for months or years and here i am in week 4.

Today was all about me realizing that this is MY journey and although i share it with my spark friends and those around me, its still My journey. its no one else's business to judge what i am doing, and what other people are doing doesn't have anything to do with my journey. I'm just glad to have love and support but i need to be kinder to myself and stop worrying about people judging me.

emoticon i'm letting go of the bad thoughts and regrets and i'm moving on.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRADMILL2922
    I love your attitude and it seems like you have a real grasp on what you are trying to do. That closet eating thing is so strange and makes no sense because we are only hurting ourselves!Keep making good choices!
    1447 days ago
    Your attitude is refreshing...and inspiring!
    1447 days ago
    Way to go! Those are all good conclusions to come to.
    1449 days ago
    Way to stay positive :)

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1451 days ago
    I also gained a ton of weight, 28 lbs in 6 months and hit my highest weight ever when I was with my ex. Now I feel like my weight loss doesn't even officially "start" until I get back to 160 and can start from where I was again. It takes a ton of focus to be proud of how far I've come so far with 18 of those 26 lbs gone.

    I am proud of you for sticking with kickboxing and realizing this is your journey. Keep with it, stay persistent and bask in the glory of every pound lost!
    1451 days ago
    I'm very lucky that Taco Bell changed their rice because now I cannot eat their food. They are the sole reason for my weight gain lol.
    1451 days ago
    Very interesting point on the good and bad foods. I always beat myself up over that stuff - why?!

    But you know what? If you tracked that taco bell, and it was whatever you had around, why beat yourself up? Why not agree to try for less processed foods tomorrow and balance out? Instead it is SO easy to be like "Ugh, why did I feed myself bad food when I was hungry?!" but your body was HUNGRY lol. State of need!

    I honestly don't think it is as simple as calories in versus calories out, at all. I'm no doctor but I'm willing to bet the calorie type and your body type play into that stuff as well. I have a thyroid problem and I was told that I'll always have to do MORE than the recommended exercise to see any loss. That is also why I hate whenever I see something in a magazine or whatever like "Easiest way to lose 5 lbs ever!" because its NOT easy for every BODY type.

    Keep making small positive steps and they will add up over time. Sounds like you're on the right path - you can do it!!!!!!!!!

    1451 days ago
    Such a great, positive attitude!! And I love the little tidbit about calories are all the same, but choose the most nutritious calories! Good for you for taking a stand on YOU!!! emoticon
    1451 days ago
    I LOVE this attitude. Food is not religion. You should never have to feel ashamed or guilty or judged. Make the best choices as often as you can. But enjoy your food and your life.

    1451 days ago
    Sounds like a very positive attitude emoticon You can't beat yourself up- we do the best we can each day.

    Don't worry about what people think- live your life and let the rest slide off your back.
    1451 days ago
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