Thursday, October 03, 2013
It is a bit of a conundrum, but living just for today means starting fresh every single minute, but it doesn't really have anything to do with starting over. There is no step 1 to go back to. Each new day is the beginning of an opportunity for a new reality; you can't go back because all that exists back there is a memory of what happened before. Memories can be helpful or unhelpful, but otherwise they have nothing to do with who you are right this minute. If you want to be a pirate, then put on a pair of tall boots and a hat and walk with a swagger, that is, provided you aren't Jack Sparrow's old shipmate Larry the legless pirate.
Speaking of such things, and to be totally random, my favorite character in the PC movies is the bald dwarf. At the start he would get blown off his feet by the massive guns he preferred to wield, but as the story progressed he got better. He never gave up on the image he preferred to hold of himself, and eventually he became that image.
Even just last year I was still using my arms to drag myself up the stairs to bed at night. I have talked enough about the circumstances that left me in this condition after a lifetime of extreme strength and good health. Needless to say I didn't want to hold onto this image of myself, so I signed up for a triathlon, and started training. I bragged a bit about being in training. Last year I had to use a walking stick to finish the the "run", but I did it. This year I didn't need the walking stick, and I even jogged a little. Now I consider myself in constant training as a triathlete. I walk up the stairs of my house multiple times a day now, and I don't even break a sweat. I created a new reality for myself, but I had to work from where I was, not from where I started. That woman of extreme good health and strength is a memory, and an ideal. The woman I am now is living every minute to bring to reality a new image of a woman who can run up those stairs.