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Day 18

Thursday, October 03, 2013

I cheated and weighed myself this morning. My weigh in day is Monday but I couldn't resist. I have dropped two more pounds since Monday. If I can keep my hands out of the proverbial candy jar this weekend I can see myself dropping at least one more.

I went to the chiro again last night and he did a wellness class everyone is required to attend. He talked about adjustments and what he is doing for us and what else it will help etc. A lot of what he says makes sense but some of it I would really like to see the scientific data supporting his claims. That being said, I am sticking with him because he still says he can make me pain free in four weeks. (that for anyone keeping track means he has until next Friday)

I'm not going to hold him to it though because that would be unfair. He is trying to help me as best he can. I got myself into this predicament by waiting so long. Six years of back pain and injury cannot be undone in twelve sessions.

I grilled a bunch of chicken last night and then forgot to bring it in for lunch and dinner. I have somewhere to be at 6:30 tonight so I was hoping to eat dinner at work before I left and avoid the pratfalls of eating out. I'm joining a few of my cousins for a night of wine and painting at a local place that sets you up with an easel and teaches you to paint. Fun right?? I'm looking forward to it!

So onto more serious things. I'm a blogger and I share short stories, ruminations, the occasional recipe and once in a great moon poetry on my blog. It's a place where I go to share thoughts and to create characters. I love writing and I'm pretty good at it. The thing is, I can't be completely honest there. It's a public site so people who know me and family members etc can see it and I'm not able to completely allow myself to be vulnerable there. I can't talk about my weight loss journey or the way I feel when someone watches me eat or how sad it makes me that I have to specify a low table no booth when I go to a restaurant or many of the other myriad issues that women my size face every single day.

I know from doing this in the past that in order for this to work I have to purge some demons too. It's not just about exercise and diet but about a change of lifestyle and attitude and a lot of that comes from within. I didn't get morbidly obese just because I eat a lot, as a matter of fact I don't really eat a lot. I have a negative self image based in part on the way society looks at people like me but also, and more importantly because of the issues I have internalized as it relates to my weight and every other little thing. Healing starts from the inside. As such I may feel the need to occasionally purge here, to let my feelings go in writing so they're not all twisting and causing havoc inside. Sometimes it ain't pretty but it's real and honest and from my soul.

So I apologize in advance if I offend anyone, obviously this is about me letting go so occasionally it might get a little sloppy. Bear with me though because I guarantee you that everything I say will strike a chord with someone, it always does.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RUDITUDI2000
    Get it out girl! YOU are worth it! Internalizing it is not the way to get healthy. Lets get healthy and strong!
    The painting class sounds delightful! I hope you had a fantastic night. emoticon
    1626 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1626 days ago
  • ADZY86
    Please do let go! I feel like this is a site where everyone should feel totally comfortable to be FREEEEE and say what they want on their own blogs. I'm having a 'mental month of October' blogging out session too, really putting out what I feel deep inside. It's exposing but really freeing too.

    Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
    1626 days ago
    Congrats on the loss!
    1627 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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