Thursday, October 03, 2013
This morning I had to go get some blood drawn. I was getting dressed looking in the mirror and thought how this is so natural. To look in a mirror. For years I wouldnt even brush my hair in front of the mirror the sight disturbed me so bad. If i didnt look then it was real. I stood there looking this morning thinking would that be a NSV that I feel normal enough that I can finally look at myself.
I am not sure normal is a good word. But I know i am strong enough. I can see it. One of the things that i had to do to start with was find something that i could touch that would get me through weak moments. Suggestions were a key chain, a necklace , a coin ect. For me it was my left shoulder I dont know why I choose that but that has been my saving grace. When i get worried , upset or any emotion that becomes overwhelming for me I just reach up and touch my left shoulder odd i know but in doing so I found that peace in the moment to keep going. This morning as I stood looking I saw that shoulder and it is very defined and very strong. It houses all my secrets good and bad but it is always with me no matter what. In this process that we all are on in one way or another, we do things that dont make much sense to anyone but as long as it works and you keep moving then who really cares if anyone gets it.
I know you can see the hanging skin on my arms but no worries it is going away just slowly ..... I also cropped out my face as i had red eyes. But none the less I think i look great in the picture and believe that is not an easy thing to say .