Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


    BRADMILL2922   37,581
SparkPoints
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints
 
 

Confessions Of A Recovering Closet Eater


Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Thursday, October 03, 2013



A closet eater is someone who eats junk food by hiding or sneaking it so nobody else is able to see them. A closet eater is someone who appears to eat healthy in front of other people only to eat unhealthy things, often in large amounts in privacy. This is something that many people who struggle with weight have an issue with. It is a dirty little secret that often, only they know. On that note...

Hello, my name is Brad, and I am a recovering closet eater.

It is something I struggled with for the majority of my life. It is something that I am not proud of and never would admit to myself in the past. As part of my weight loss journey, I had to own up to the fact that I was a habitual closet eater.

When I was a kid, I would grab Little Debbie out of the pantry at a friends house on my way to the bathroom while my friend was in the other room playing video games. As a teenager, I would sneak a can of Coke to another room and drink it as fast as possible. As an adult, I wouldn't eat much somewhere with friends only to hit a drive-thru on the way home and get a couple of cheeseburgers and fries. I have eaten things like candy bars and stuffed the wrapper down in the trash under something bigger so nobody else would see it. Does that sound familiar? And how come I never found myself closet eating apples or spinach?

Why would I do such things to MYSELF? The only person I am hurting when I do this is MYSELF!



People used to see me eat and ask me how I could be so big when I didn't eat much in front of them. I would give the standard lie and say I don't really know, I guess it is just a slow metabolism. REALLY? SLOW METABOLISM? It wasn't a slow metabolism, it was the tacos I picked up on the way home after eating a few healthy things in front of others. I hid that. I hid that shame.

And it really was shame. Every time I did it I felt shame. But some how, that shame didn't stop me from doing it again, and again, and again...It was as if I told the lie to so many people for so long that I actually believed it myself! I convinced myself that I didn't eat a lot of junk food and it was a slow metabolism that caused me to gain weight. WHAT IS THAT?



But the title of this blog is fortunately "Confessions Of A RECOVERING Closet Eater". So how did I quit? I had to admit to myself what the problem was and come to grips with it. I had to forgive myself for what I had done all those years. I forgave myself for all that shame I brought upon myself. The last thing was tracking my food. I held myself accountable for every thing I ate. By doing that, I knew if I was sneaking things that I was only sabotaging my own efforts. I was only hurting myself. That is something I knew in the past but actually seeing it allowed me to break the habit. Even today, I can feel the pull to sneak something from time to time. It is something I don't believe will ever completely go away. So I will deal with it one day at a time and remind myself to never go back to that mindset.

If you have or are still struggling with closet eating, I know it is a hard habit to break. For those of us who have broken the habit, it is a huge relief to not carry that shame around. For those of you who are still struggling to break the habit, just know that you are NOT alone. You are NOT the only one dealing with that problem. Always know that there is hope. YOU CAN CHANGE!

Embrace Your Possibilities

Good Day Sparkville
SHARE

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SUPERMODEL2BE 10/5/2013 3:25PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SCOTTYPAL 10/5/2013 3:20PM

    I've been there. It can be a struggle. I track my food and try to be honest to myself. I try not to judge myself so harshly there's enough people out there that do that for me. Thank you for sharing your story. We are not so different and that is a comfort.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FRABBIT 10/5/2013 3:02PM

  Very well written blog. Congrats!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MRSRIGS1 10/5/2013 1:33PM

    Great blog! One day at a time. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FIRECOM 10/5/2013 11:33AM

    Hmmm. I think you were writing this about me. Even now, being at goal, I tend to reach for the ice cream on the way to bed.

I will commit to working to stop this dastardly habit..Thanks

Report Inappropriate Comment
JRRING 10/5/2013 11:12AM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUNNINGYOGINIRE 10/5/2013 10:01AM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DONNELDA22 10/5/2013 9:11AM

    Thanks for sharing. It helps to know others have had the same problems. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KLMEIRING 10/5/2013 6:31AM

    I needed to read this today. I seem to fall in and out of this pattern, but I definitely feel better when I am honest about what I have eaten. I have just recently recommitted to taking care of me. Taking care of me includes being honest and accountable for every bite. Thanks for the confession and the reminder that change is possible.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CORNERKICK 10/5/2013 2:46AM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLUEJEAN99 10/5/2013 12:52AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUGAR0814 10/4/2013 11:39PM

    Hello, my name is Tammy & I'm a closet eater. I hope to be on the road of recovery! Thanks for sharing! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARMAERT 10/4/2013 11:17PM

    love the sentence about hiding that candy bar wrapper under other things in the garbage. yep, that's both of us! I look back and think, "Why would you hurt yourself like that?" only to find I am sneaking goodies after everyone is in bed. now I am trying to sneak healthier things and save the calories for those times. got me plenty of apples, protein bars, and cut veggies ready for those moments. good job admitting your problem - that is the first step to change! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROCKYCPA 10/4/2013 11:14PM

    Good for you - great blog!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SWEET4JAY 10/4/2013 10:59PM

  Yes I've been doing this for years myself as well :( so totally not proud of it. The only difference is that I am very slender. I don't know how, except that I probably just have a fast metabolism. I barely eat in front of people, or at parties, restaurants, etc. but as soon as I get home, I dive in - to mostly junk!! I don't know how to stop...? Most of the time, I just don't buy junk food, cuz if it's here, I will eat it! Nut butters are a big downfall for me... But I keep buying em. Ugh!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CICELY360 10/4/2013 10:48PM

  Good blog

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOING-STRONG 10/4/2013 10:46PM

    I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. I have maintained my weight now for 5 years but every now and then I have that closet urge come over me, Really makes you feel like a failure... but all you can do is pick up the pieces and keep moving forward and trying. Fortunately, these episodes are now rare rather than the "norm".

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIPPER15 10/4/2013 9:18PM

    Been there, still fighting that. Great post! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JERICHO1991 10/4/2013 9:18PM

    Thanks for sharing. Eating excessive junk food out of sight of others is something I deal with also.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUPERSYLPH 10/4/2013 8:44PM

    I have never been a closet eater, so I have no idea what you and others have been through. I just cannot imagine. I'm glad that you are doing much better, and hope others who have the same problem find their way out.

It's great that your posting about this, not only for yourself, but for others. Others will realize that this doesn't only happen to them, and they, too, can get out of that very unfortunate situation.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARTISTGATOGIRL 10/4/2013 8:25PM

    I have certainly been a closet eater in the past. I have better control and focus now. I enjoyed reading your journey. Thanks for the inspiration and motivation! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARBARASDIET 10/4/2013 7:51PM

    First step is often just recognizing the issue....which you have done!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIGER_LILY_613 10/4/2013 7:45PM

    Sneaking food ? Yeah, been there done that. I used to do this. All. The. Time.

My friends would say the same thing - "You barely eat a thing !", but that was because I'd either eaten a tonne of my treats before they arrived and was no longer hungry, or that I was planning to relax when they were gone and binge on my go-to comfort food. Sometimes I'd be afraid of actually eating around people when I was really hungry, because I didn't want them to see how I ate.

I'm truly relieved to have kicked the habit, and I am happy that you have too.

Thank you for sharing this, Brad. It means a lot.



Report Inappropriate Comment
SHERRYBETH84 10/4/2013 7:10PM

    I am a Closet Eater! Even as a child I would sneak food and hide the wrappings... Now I am an adult doing the same things, feeling the Shame, carrying the Fat. Thank you for the honest blog that hit me straight in the heart. If I can name it, I can own it, and then I can conquer it.

I am a Closet Eater. My goal is to become a recovering Closet Eater.

Thank You !

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIANNEMT 10/4/2013 7:07PM

    Your honesty with us and with yourself is so important! You WILL do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LISA_FRAME 10/4/2013 7:07PM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JSEATTLE 10/4/2013 6:55PM

  I know I'm not alone. Closet eating isn't my problem, but snack food is always a temptation. Always best to have veggies and fruit cut and ready to go. Thank you for sharing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BOBBYJUNE 10/4/2013 6:49PM

    I struggle with this as well. When I come home from work in the afternoon I want to eat. My lunch is at 10:00 in the morning, so it is a long way to go to supper.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPEEDY143 10/4/2013 6:45PM

    Been there... done that... surprised we didn't bump into each other emoticon Thanks to Sparkpeoples nutrition tracker I was able to put that part of my life way behind me emoticon

emoticon blog emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CIRCULARPRAISE 10/4/2013 6:41PM

    Brad, thanks for being brave and sharing this with us. Like many others with weight and body image issues, I struggle with the same thing. I appreciate your being transparent about it and reminding me I'm not the only one dealing with this.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHARTHESTAR 10/4/2013 5:55PM

    emoticon
I used to hide to eat things too.
It was so liberating not to feel the need to do that anymore.
Don't need to- have no desire to do that anymore.

Glad you feel the same!


Report Inappropriate Comment
ALIHIKES 10/4/2013 5:53PM

    Great blog, and great insights. I've been a closet eater too. I am doing much better -- but it is something I have to watch out for!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANEMARIE77 10/4/2013 5:39PM

    thank you great blog well said

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLUEANGELLK 10/4/2013 5:33PM

    Thanks for the honesty. I think we all have habits that don't jive with our "public face". It is hard to deal with those habits, but you are proving that these habits don't have to be forever. Congratulations!

Report Inappropriate Comment
IAMAGEMLOVER 10/4/2013 5:24PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHERYLHURT 10/4/2013 4:44PM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SDEHNKE 10/4/2013 4:33PM

    One day at a time.... emoticon

Suellen

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEWTINK 10/4/2013 4:10PM

    Honesty with yourself is the hardest step but it is the first real step to success. You are doing great emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARYJEANSL 10/4/2013 4:02PM

  Well, I have definitely done that, more times than I care to admit. I don't really do it much now, but I can't say never, unfortunately. It's one of many areas in my life I am working on.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARITIMER3 10/4/2013 3:55PM

    Welcome from another recovering closet eater. Good blog, lots of things I can relate to. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WILDFLOWERMA 10/4/2013 3:46PM

    Very inspiring...I've been sneak-eating, since I was a child. Logically, I can delve into the past to know what the catalyst was for the behavior and the factors that fueled it to continue throughout my lifetime. However, it is incredibly challenging to take an honest look and make the effort to give up this self-destructive habit. I hope I will be able to persevere over closet-eating as you have done.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NONNAOF2 10/4/2013 3:42PM

  One thing for sure Brad, we have probably all been there, or are still there! Thanks for being so honest with yourself and us, it isn't something easy to admit! :-)

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEMT 10/4/2013 3:28PM

    Brad! Have you been reading my diary?! I thought I had shredded that thing! My name is Susie and I also am a recovering closet eater!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHERYLSBUTT 10/4/2013 2:44PM

    This is so similar to my closet smoking.
I was ashamed so I hid it from friends who never knew.
One day I said , its a lie to hide...if I must hide I must stop

When you tell yourself the truth...it the first step to fixing what ails you

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNNICE 10/4/2013 1:49PM

    Most of what you've said could've been my own story. Until I joined SP I thought I was the only one who did this! It helped to learn I'm not alone, admit the problem to family and friends, and let go of the guilt that comes with it. Just like you said, "It is something I don't believe will ever completely go away." But as long as we never give up and keep getting right back on track when we have a slip, we will be able to win many more battles than we lose! Thanks for a great blog!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TUTUNAN 10/4/2013 1:43PM

    One of my most healing moments with SP was when I actually heard myself say "I'm all alone, what can I eat?

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATRICIAANN46 10/4/2013 1:30PM

  emoticon Brad!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PENOWOK 10/4/2013 1:23PM

    I have done the same....for many years!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SIMONEKP 10/4/2013 1:17PM

    hey Brad,

Although I can't say that was my struggle in terms of junk food and eating in secret, I have certainly experienced the frustration with myself for overeating. I would tell myself in the moment that it was okay because it was a healthy home cooked meal although I knew that 3 or 4 servings was way too much.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSSYBUG 10/4/2013 1:16PM

    I love reading about how people overcome different eating problems. It is encouraging to know that no matter what we feel we are personally going through alone, there is actually someone else out there going through the same thing. We just have to reach out to each other. Thank you for sharing part of your journey.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.
Member Comments Page (237 total):  < Previous 1 2 3 4 Next > Last >>