Wednesday, October 02, 2013
...is a good book and a cup of tea. Oh, and 4 cats and 2 dogs. If only there was room for hubby...to bad he's working. I'm on book #5 of the Wheel of Time, which can make for many, many enjoyable hours of reading, considering each book is about 1500 pages long...
This month is tough for me. We're sitting out on the baby-making until we get results from our most recent testing. I hate sitting out...I can just feel those ovaries aging. We submitted a Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and Karyotype panel and I'm anxiously awaiting the results.
I ate SO MUCH yesterday, I seriously couldn't move. I had a pot of chili for the last few days and man, those beans and ground beef...ugh. Talk about a heavy meal. By the time I was done, I felt like the goodyear blimp. Today was much better. I drove up to Salem to have lunch with my man, which was actually really nice. I think we'll start doing that more often. Even when he isn't working his tush off, we only ever have our evenings together. There was something really nice about a mid-day lunch date :) We both agreed we should do that at least 1-2 times a week. He works a lot and finding time for each other can be hard. Lunch dates will be something to look forward to!
Work has been ok. I still hate that I count down the days until my time off each week. It was never like this for me when I was a barista. I loved working! I know my job is probably more draining than I think it is, I've just always been a work-a-holic and something about looking forward to my days off makes me feel like I'm a slacker or something is wrong with me.
My good friend is giving me the silent treatment. AGAIN. I'm too old for this. She gave me the silent treatment for 2 weeks last month because I did not appropriately congratulate her in a certain text when she announced the dates for her european vacation. I already knew she was going. We had talked about it 10 times. I asked if she wanted to do a color run with me, she said she was going to europe on those dates, and I responded "maybe next time!". Apparently, I was supposed to congratulate her rather than glossing over it. Now, I didn't answer her call 2 days ago because I honestly did not feel like listening to 2 hours of complaints. So I texted her yesterday and called her today. No response to text. No returned phone call. I know this is the silent treatment and I seriously want to give her a piece of my mind. I am too old for this crap. But I know if I do give her a piece of my mind, our friendship will be over. I do value her friendship. I just don't appreciate the pettiness that is often involved. At this point I'll just wait for her to call me, and then she'll tell me she's mad at me because I didn't answer her call.
What REALLY gets me about my friend is that due being extremely fortunate, she is just about the most spoiled person I know. Who buys a $700,000 house on 15 acres overlooking the river and a large national forest when you're 26 and in vet school? She does. Why? Because her MOTHER took out the loan and "sold" the loan back to her daughter. So her MOM is basically the bank. She could have never bought that house on her own. Of course, her parents paid for school, living expenses, etc. and even bought her a house to live in while she was in undergrad. Then there are the 4-6 out-of-country vacations every year. Then there is the fact that her parents are both vets so she never had to even interview for a job. Finally, there is the fact that in a year or two, she will be running this vet clinic. This is a girl who has never had a job in her life, gets everything handed to her but loves to talk about how hard she has to work for it, and is going to be a clinic owner before she is even 30. NOT because she worked hard to get there, it is simply being handed to her. Now she's talking about babies. I know she'll have a baby long before I do. She'll have a perfect little girl and a perfect little boy to live in their perfect HUGE house.
Am I bitter? Yeah. Am I jealous? Heck yeah. Maybe it's because I'm jaded and sick of trying to have a baby after 4 years of failure and watching everyone else succeed. Maybe it's because I am sick and tired of having to work my ass off for every single thing in my life. Everything has been a battle. Nothing has come easy. I just want a freaking break. So when I get the silent treatment from someone I think is my friend, it pisses me off because I know that I won't give her a piece of my mind, I'll keep my mouth shut, and she will (yet again) get away with something like the spoiled kid that she is. Why do I keep a person in my life who makes me feel this way??? Don't I deserve better? I hate myself for being too much of a weakling to say anything, since she is one of very few friends that I have.
Wow, that blog got really negative. So what am I not bitter about? What am I thankful for? I have my tiny little house that we bought without help from ANYONE. I got myself through college and vet school all on my own and working a full-time job - nobody else paid my bills, nobody bought a house for me to live in, nobody paid for all of my expenses. I got a job all on my own because I am a good, hard-working person, not because the job was handed to me by my parents. I may not go on 4-6 vacations a year, but that money is being spent elsewhere. I may need to go through every single hoop out there to have a baby, but that hard work and drive and hope and commitment will make me a kick-ass mom. Every single thing I've had to work for has made me into the person that I am and I guess I'd rather be me than a spoiled kid who never had to work for anything in my life.
Whew. Glad I have a place to vent, lol.