Tuesday, October 01, 2013
I'm doing terrible lately with my weight loss journey. Someone should slap some sense into me, good grief charlie brown this is ridiculous!
On a different note- the purpose of this blog is to talk about my therapy.
First of all, I know nothing I say on here can make anyone understand exactly what it's like to deal with these things.
Most of my recent problems are related to when I was injured in April. First was the physical pain. I am still dealing with physical issues (stiff neck, headaches, sciatic problems, low back pain, hip problems...). But now I am also dealing with mental issues. I have been suffering with depression and my anxiety has been incredibly high most days. I also have been struggling with self injury (cutting), which I believe is related to the stress from everything going on since the injury. I am curious to see what they will classify this as when I go through the assessment.
So to give a brief history/background....therapy has been something that I have been through off and on since I was very little. Not with the same therapists of course but the same concept. In high school I tried a couple different meds. Then in college I went through a stage of depression where I tried several different meds and eventually had to be hospitalized because I was dealing with self injury and also lost a lot of weight. Long story but most of the cause was a very unsupportive college experience. But since then I have really bounced back and had been doing good...until this injury. I mean I believe that I have seasonal depression from the end of January-beginning of May. The therapist I have been seeing knows this and that is part of the reason for her concern as well. If I am already really struggling, then come January if I don't get more extensive help I am going to be in trouble. So I think that part of the reason why I am having trouble focusing on my weight is because of all the guilt I feel about having to go through a similar experience as I did 5 years ago, even though I didn't do anything wrong to cause this situation.
Now to give a little info about DH. Currently he is struggling with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and agoraphobia. While I lean a little more towards the depression side he is more on the anxiety side of things. So because of his symptoms, he doesn't currently drive (has his DL though which is good) because his focus isn't there enough to do it. Also, he hasn't had a job since high school- all the places he has tried applying won't accept him/call him for an interview. He has tried to apply for disability twice but no luck so far. So all of this means that anywhere we have to go I am driving and also that I come up with all the money for bills. Add that on top of all the stress from my injury and also adjusting to life without FIL, life has basically been hell lately.