October 1, 2013 - Day 112 - A Life Worth Living
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
Hello my favorite Sparkers! How are you all this evening? Excellent? Excellent!
Let me start by saying, "sorry" for any confusion my last blog might have caused. My garage sale was Friday and Saturday - not Saturday/Sunday. Yeah, just another "senior" moment for Karen! Ugh! And for those of you who concluded I would not be blogging anymore? My apologies for not being clear. I will be blogging - some - I just won't be doing the "gratitude" posts anymore.
So I was sitting at work today when this really cool thought occurred to me. Actually, it was more of a question than a mere thought. "How much good has never materialized in the world because of doubt?" If all people acted on their creative, intellectual, emotional ideas, how much better might the world be? Have you ever stopped to ponder that? Ask yourself this question. . . how many times in your own life have you had an awesome idea, and then failed to act on it because doubt set in and talked you out of it? How many times have you said to yourself, "oh, I couldn't possibly do that because I don't really know how" or "I can't so I'm not even going to try" or "well, that's a wonderful idea, but I don't have the time" or "I can't do that, I'm not talented enough" or "no, no, no people will think I'm silly or stupid" or "I'd rather not try because I might fail and not trying is better then failing" or "my friends and family will laugh at me, so I'm not going to do it" or "maybe later" or "if I talk about it or try, someone will steal my idea so I better keep it to myself" or. . . _____________(fill in the blank. . . I'm sure that voice in your head has probably whispered some doubts in your ear over the years that convinced you to not even try. Am I right?
Twice, that I can currently recall, I allowed doubt to stop me dead in my tracks. I truly believed my ideas were solid - that there was a need I could fill - but I didn't believe in my ability to get it done. So I didn't even try.
Several years ago, I graduated from a "School of Natural Healing". I was on fire - full of excitement - the day they handed me my diploma. I just knew I was going to walk out the door and change the world. Or at least my small part of it. My idea was to open a women's wellness center. A place where all women - all ages, all races, all sizes, all religions, all educational backgrounds, all socio-economic classes - ALL WOMEN - could come for body/mind/spirit healing. The center would offer nutritional classes, yoga, cardiovascular training, weight training, really - exercise of all kinds, guided meditation, spiritual guidance, counseling, day-care, a "health-bar" offering foods and beverages like: organic smoothies, granola, yogurt, fruits, salads, protein drinks, water, tea, etc., full body massage and bodywork including structural integration, pedicures, manicures, a salon, a skin expert qualified to give facials and provide training on how to keep skin all aglow, a community garden with plenty of opportunity for club members to get their hands dirty, and on and on. I never completed the center's design or offerings, but I knew that this center would be like one-stop-shopping in the field of women's health. When the idea first occurred to me, I was committed and believed nothing could stop me. Nothing!
And then. . .
Doubt set in. I didn't have the money. I wasn't a saleswoman - sales had never been my forte. I didn't have a business plan and didn't even know how to put one together. I didn't have a good location. I didn't know how to secure a start-up loan. And all of that? Quickly became. . . I don't know how; I can't! And I didn't.
But what if I had? How much healthier might I be right now? How much healthier might thousands of women in Kansas City be right now? How many lives might actually have been saved?
The second time that doubt stopped me was when I had a book idea. It was a story that "needed" to be told. . . for healing. . . for my mom. I no more thought the thought til doubt reared its ugly head and stopped me in my tracks. "You can't write.", "You're no writer.", "People will laugh at you!", "You're stupid and stupid people don't get their books published.", "You can't even spell or punctuate. . . what are you thinking?", "You don't have a creative bone in your body!", "You can't handle rejection - so whatever will you do when one publisher after another sends you a Dear Jane letter?" "That is the dumbest idea you have ever had - ever!" And on an on it went.
Doubt killed my dreams.
Twice that I can remember.
Today I stared doubt down. I no longer care what doubt says. Let it scream at me all day and all night and then get up tomorrow and start all over again. I don't care. Doubt never got me anywhere I wanted to be. Never! So what the hell good is it? Why would I ever listen to it? I'm sorry to say that I ever did. Doubt stole so many years of my life. Or should I say - I allowed doubt to steal?
As many of you know, my mom was down last weekend to help with my garage sale. As I visited with her and watched her from the corner of my eye, I realized that I had to write that book. Her book. She lived a childhood full of terror and yet somehow she never allowed that terror to harden her or kill her spirit or turn her heart to stone. She loves better than anyone else I know. She's more helpful than anyone else I know. She's never known a stranger. And where life is concerned? She's all in. She always has been. And so I shall write. Published or not, I'm going to write for my beautiful mother.
How about you? What has doubt stolen from you? Are you willing to admit that doubt is not your friend? Are you willing to start living your life today? Living your dreams? Seeing them through to fruition? Regardless of what doubt says?
If we all say "yes" to our dreams, the whole world will be better. Somehow, I just know it will be.