Tuesday, October 01, 2013
"Do you think youíre busy enough?Ē
Nothing sends you into quite the layoff panic mode like being asked this question by your bossís boss. I tried a few different strategies to avoid running to sugar for comfort, but nothing worked this time for me and I found solace in Rice Krispie treats left over from an office party earlier in the day.
I guess Iím not proving my value at work to the new Vice President.
It was asked in a friendly enough wayÖ but even the VP herself, while thinking out loud, suggested she probably shouldnít be asking me that. But now that itís out there, I get to look forward to going into work everyday and fighting to keep my job. How are you even supposed to answer that question?
I should point out that Iím at the 8 month mark in my current job. It was around this time during my last two jobs that my anxiety really picked up and I started scouring the job boards for something new. I wasnít necessarily planning on doing that this time around, but unless I can get a grip on managing my anxiety around this and NOT think each day might be the day the pink slip comes, Iím not sure what else to do.
After binging and a subsequent sugar crash, I lost all motivation to get my evening run in today Ė not a good thing, as Ė ironically Ė I needed to work late last night to meet a project deadline and wasnít able to run yesterday either. So thatís two skipped gym days Ė which isnít going to help me achieve a sub 2:00:00 half-marathon next month. And itís not like I can afford to slack Ė I looked up my 10k relay time with my husband and found we were at 1:01:00 ( wp.me/p1N36Q-jG
). To be fair, we donít really know what our individual times were, so itís quite possible I did a 25 minute 5k Ė but highly unlikely.
No exercise and poor eating certainly isnít going to help me get through this. I have a personal training session tomorrow night, which forces me back into working out. And perhaps I can use what Iím feeling right now to fuel a new Binge Free/Wheat Free streak tomorrow Ė that what I eat will strengthen me for the days to come. Still, itís frustrating to think itís October and I feel like Iím exactly where I was at in January Ė just not in a very healthy state physically or mentally.