Tuesday, October 01, 2013
I’m struggling to be nice to both myself and others so I hesitate to say anything at all.
I let myself have a pity party yesterday. I know it was sadness versus stress because with stress I would have ended up at Chickfila, but last night I was sitting at home at 9pm and I realized that I’d had nothing but a piece of cake, a side salad, and a glass of wine to eat yesterday. I spent two hours at Kohls wandering around and didn’t buy a single thing. I forced myself to eat a bowl of ramen because I could not bring myself to cook a meal at nearly 10pm – awesome. I’m admitting that on here because acknowledging my weakness (and shame) makes it easier for me to stay accountable.
It is done, I’m not here to whine about it. I’m just going to try to shut that pity party down. I had my time. Stuff is getting me down but I can’t let it hold me back forever.
The insurance company from the guy who hit me denied my claim first thing in the morning yesterday. They say his story is completely different than mine and in his version, I hit HIM. I sort of predicted this would happen, judging by how sketchy he was on the scene not even wanting to exchange insurance information at all. Because we have no witnesses on file and I didn’t get out in the middle of the three lane highway during rush hour while he was driving off to take a picture, they can’t argue his word versus mine. All I will say is that it makes me very sad to know and have met someone so low. This was my first accident, I really think he was trying to take advantage of me on the scene, and then to lie about it? I am trying to trust that Karma will be a bigger b&tch than I need to be. It just hurts. And now I have to figure out how to fix and pay for my car damages myself. I shouldn’t complain, it could have been WAY worse and I am in one piece, it is sooo frustrating though that someone could be so selfish and now I have to cover for it?
I still have a lot of unresolved business at work to deal with. I have yet another meeting today to discuss it. I know that I should be thankful to have a job, especially with the furloughs and all right now – and I am happy to be employed. It makes me sad though, I can’t seem to help it. It doesn’t help that a lot of my coworkers have sad things to say about it like how they feel sorry for me, asking how I’m holding up, letting me know they are there for me. It is like everyone knows this is not the best thing for me. Again, those are all nice things to be thankful for and I am but at the same time – it forces a bit of “woe is me” on my life.
And don't even get me started on the government shutdown thing. I am staying off all social media today for my own sanity.
I keep having this cycle of thoughts about how I feel like I’m not in the place I want to be right now in my life. I wanted a dog, a better job, etc… Maybe I am just too impatient. I wish I could get my brain to accept this situation and trust that it will all work out if I work at it.
Speaking of work… I DO have good news. Boyfriend will be coming off of the night shift – he got a NEW new job! And not just any ol’ job, he’ll be working for a Baltimore based international fitness retailer. You do the math on that one, I feel like I shouldn’t/can’t drop names here. He’ll have access to all of their healthy living stuff and we’ll get 50% off all products. I feel like the pressure is sort of on me now. I’ll be living with someone who will be representing this brand (“Protecting This House” if you know what I mean) and I need to be fit and active too. I will definitely have access to cheaper support materials. But most of all, I am excited for him to have this amazing opportunity. I have super high hopes for him and I really wish it works out. He works hard, he deserves it.
Anyways, nothing super fitnessy or healthy eating related but thought I’d share. Hope you all are having a fabulous week so far!