Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

    SNOWANGELDIVA   20,093
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints

Like a Circle

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

First, 5 a.m., you suck.
Second, I miss Sparkworld.
I let fear swallow me. It just snuck up on me out of nowhere. A couple of times it caught me off guard. When I thought it wasn't looking I tried to slowly sneak away from it. My cloaking device acted more like a beacon and I just got scorfed up. Just like that bird that built it's nest on our chimney. Outta nowhere it fell into the darkness of my unlit woodstove until it was freed in the morning; closely resembling that of a bat out of hell when I opened the door.

I got stuck in this vacuum bag of misery with excess. *SCHLURP!*

Then I had that moment. I feel like hell. I got cornered in hell. My choices brought me here and I have to fight my way out.

Then I thought, I deserve hell. I'm right where I deserve to be. It's impossible. Why bother?

Hold up.
That can't be right.
Hell, no.

I have not been designed to fail. I am this moment free.
(This Sword of Truth comes in handy, especially when you need to slice your way out of a vacuum bag.)

You know somewhere in those 66 books telling the same story for Peace and Freedom? Ya, the one that's collecting dust on my nightstand where I repaired Ken?...

Wanna hear the story of Ken?
He likes girls. A lot. My daughter has them fighting over him all the time. Well, he offended one of the dozen that he has been gracing with his charms and she beat the crap outta him.
I didn't get details, but, I did get my youngest daughter (whom I am a slave to) bawling her broken heart all over my sanity and I found myself promising I would save this scumbag's life.

He sat on my nightstand greeting me at the end of each long, defeated day and the promise to my daughter would echo itself through my brain as I drifted off to slumber.

He is a doofus. I hate Barbies. It's probably envy of all their fabulous gizmos and pseudo storybook lives. They represent everything unrealistic.
Fairytales, BA HUMBUG!

Just because I hate that world, it doesn't change the fact that my daughter loves it and asked for me to help her take care of it.

One night the promise echoed itself to my heart and I spent forever trying to fix him. ( I love that gel crazy glue by LePage, it works for hula hoops too).

Ken is leading a more honourable life. I like to think my nightstand was the drunk tank that helped sober him up. If it hadn't been for my daughter his life would not be spared and he would not have had a wedding and 7 babies - this week.

Remembering promises and knowing that my Daughter's Doll Rescue is symbolic of my Saviour's rescue and protection of me is helping me venture to a third birthday with Spark. I get embarassed with setbacks and the fact that it takes me FOREVER to accept basic principles in my heath. Instead of getting a number goal looming over my head, I'm going to work leading that temple honouring life.

One Day at a Time.

"God's love is like a circle, a circle big and round. When you see a circle, no ending can be found."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENE10 12/7/2013 2:41PM

    Love your blogs! emoticon for sharing emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
STR458 11/30/2013 7:49AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
JOYFULMOMTO5 11/23/2013 8:23PM

    {hugs} I needed this…
Your 3 years have been a total inspiration to me. YOU reached your goals!!(something I haven't had the pleasure of knowing, yet) YOU have maintained!! YOU have inspired!! Your 3 years on here have ROCKED and I can't imagine "life" on here without you, Girl.

I've repeatedly told myself to not return to this lovely Spark World for a 4th year….but I am not a quitter. Maybe it's that circle Spirit within me.
Thanks for sharing your heart, once again…know that it isn't in vain….you are speaking Life into my heart when I've needed it most.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MI-ELLKAYBEE 10/29/2013 9:54AM

    emoticon as always!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JULIAMOONCHILD 10/19/2013 10:17AM

    All of your blogs are amazing but surely this is the best one ever written anyone!

You sure got my attention and made me feel like taking up the sword and fighting my own way out of this hell that I, too, find myself in. Who knows ... Maybe I will get there.

Loved the hair, too. Since when have you been a red head. It looks awesome!!! So awesome, I'm seriously considering doing the same.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHASSYSUE2 10/5/2013 3:45AM

    O how I have needed your lovely view of life!! I have missed you!!! I am peeking around looking if my "gang" is still here, and I am so happy that you are!!! I have missed you!! HUGS!! Shannon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUNNERRACHEL 10/3/2013 8:39PM

    emoticon Love your quote at the end.

We all get into those vicious cycles and I am glad you used your sword and cut your way out. And our Savior reminded you of His great love for you, and that you don't have to be perfect and that you are free. Indeed.

And perfect love casts out all fear. That is what I remind myself when fear tries to creep in.

I don't like Barbies either but it is nice that it reminded you of how we can all need a little repair and rest. I'm glad Ken is reformed.

I'm glad you are feeling better and happy to hear from you.
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
_JODI404 10/3/2013 7:10PM

    Beautiful blog. I've missed you and hoped you were well.

Happy 3rd Sparkversary!! emoticon

One day at a time is definitely the way to go!

Love the picture... absolutely awesome!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALLIE4993 10/3/2013 4:44PM

    welcome back! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TEXASFILLY 10/2/2013 9:43PM

    Ditto all our Spark sisters~ *hugs* My, my, my~ you've been missed something fierce. It's incredible how one precious life touches so many 'n often times without our even knowing it. So happy to see your beautiful self dancin' it up, li'l sister! So let's rejoice in this day the Lord made and let's dance. *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNOT2THICK 10/1/2013 9:11PM

    Beautiful emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JTAMSYN 10/1/2013 11:28AM

    You've been hugely missed! Every day is a challenge, especially when you're performing surgeries on the Ken's of this world. You are an amazing mom so stay away from the vacuum!

By the way, your daughter's barbie looks like a smaller version of you! You are looking stunning!

Comment edited on: 10/1/2013 11:29:18 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 10/1/2013 11:27AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SHOAPIE 10/1/2013 9:58AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
I*AM*BLESSED 10/1/2013 8:45AM

    Of course, you know, I emoticon

Now, get your skinny self back here! You look emoticon

Your SparkMama,


Report Inappropriate Comment
MOSTMOM1 10/1/2013 7:35AM

    First--I agree about 5 am. Heck, it probably doesn't even like itself.
Second--Audrey had a Ken doll named Blaine (he came with the name; that was not our idea). He could only be counted on to lose his head in every situation, literally. So, her Barbies grew up in a largely Amazonian culture, with the occasional appearance of headless Blaine. They survived.
Third--SparkWorld has missed you too. I'm firmly convinced that there is no moment when we can state that we've fully arrived. No happy dance to say, "Yes, I made it. I won. Victory!" Not even when we reach The Number. Because The Number isn't static. Well, It is, but we aren't. We change, fluctuate, go up and down, have highs and lows and ins and outs. We get scared and we backtrack, slip. We climb and journey and are victorious. We just have to keep going; we're ongoing success stories. They just don't publish those in the magazines. So I don't think there is One Victory Dance, I think there should be bunches of them. Dances for when we stumble and get back up, dances for stopping ourselves at a 10 lb gain, dances for being honest with ourselves, dances for loving ourselves the way we should-through thick and thin, dances for starting over. Dances for the sheer sake of dancing. So don't beat yourself up for anything, kiddo. Spin that hoop and dance fearlessly. You are amazing and you look it too. :) XOXO

Report Inappropriate Comment
WISHICOULDFLY 10/1/2013 6:41AM

    Liz, let me be the first first to welcome you back Hon. Beautiful and insightful blog (as always). emoticon 5 AM sucks, except for the sucking down coffee part. I missed you terribly! - Connie

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.

Other Entries by SNOWANGELDIVA