Monday, September 30, 2013
I'm so sorry Sparks.
Life has gotten in the way of making it a point to put my heart into my blog every night this past week.
However, today is Monday. A day to refresh, rejuvenate and start healthier habits by making changes each week. Today I have decided to work towards stopping the hate on me. Every time I've fallen into old habits, I get so disappointed with myself and I get to the point of downright embarrassment and feeling uncomfortable. I shouldn't be uncomfortable ordering dinner in front of my husband. I shouldn't be getting dressed in the closet because I feel ashamed. I shouldn't be getting upset with him for wanting to go on the boat because I don't want to wear my bikini. And even though I say I shouldn't be doing these things, I am. And it hurts. More than he could ever possibly know. Or understand. He has no concept of it, and thinks its so simple to make healthier choices...yet apparently he can eat a bacon cheeseburger with fries.
And I of all people can be a hypocrite. I know healthy habits. I know exactly what to do to lose weight. But only recently have I started putting them in motion.
I really wasn't sure what I was going to write tonight, other than I'm back to blogging and I'm sorry I skipped out on you for a week. And then reality struck that if I'm not good enough for me, I can't possibly expect anyone else to be excited to hang out with me. Because when I don't feel it, I'm not the only one suffering.
So this week, I need to take it day by day. Because we finally find out what our plan is going to be, where we're going, if we're moving etc.
Good night Sparks!