Monday, September 30, 2013
The "New Plan" that I outlined in my last blog lasted for about a month. Wha wah....
My husband and I have realized that we are pretty "extreme" people. We swing hard and then end up going no where or even going backward. I've been working over the last year to get a better appreciation for my body, a respect for what it does, and a balanced view of what fitness and eating well look like with our work demands and lifestyle and I think I'm finally making some progress.
I've finally come to terms with the fact that working at a desk 60+ hour weeks with often times high stress and little chance for movement is going to leave me looking different than when I was a lifeguard/student/personal trainer and 6 years younger. I know...it sounds like that would be incredibly obvious, but the mind plays crazy tricks.
Two years ago last month is when I started struggling with my body. When doing all the "right stuff" didn't get the results that it always had before. Since then I've been all over the place and tried some pretty extreme measures to try and get back to my "student body". It hasn't worked and has left me frustrated, angry at my body, and insecure and unattractive--exactly the opposite of what I was hoping to accomplish.
So, once again I have formulated a plan, but this time I think it may just be the right one. I'm going to do what I can, the best I can, and love myself just the way I am.
Here are the action steps:
- My husband and I waking up early enough to walk our dog two miles each morning (unless we can't, and then we can't). Its a quick pace, but nothing crazy, we get to be together and listen to our respective audiobooks.
- If I have extra time and energy I am going to throw a workout tape, Zumba class, yoga, or some other fun exercise in. No pressure.
- I have a under the desk stationary bike. Its not going to get my heartrate through the roof, but getting in 10-30 minutes a day when I'm proof reading or reading through things will give me a little more "activity" than just sitting here.
- I am making small lifestyle choices to eat healthy and stay generally within my calorie range. No more working toward the bottom of my calorie range like a crazy person, and no more "dieting." No more carb free, sugar free, "any kind of food" free plans. They don't work, I hate them, and all I want is to break free and eat what I want. Just good choices toward a better system. Things I like and taste good, but without consistently indulging in things that should be treats. Enjoying special occasions but generally eating good things on a day to day basis.
- Positive self talk. I'm not going to let myself beat myself up anymore. It's ok that I don't look like a 21 year old lifeguard, I'm a 28 year old attorney. It's ok if I don't fit into everything that I used to wear, I'm who I am today. This one is honestly probably the most important, not only for me, but for my nieces, friends, and future kids who may also be shaped or shamed by my crazy self-talk. No one likes to around someone who is beating themselves up over a few pounds. It makes everyone more insecure and its unattractive. I'm going to continue to work on my confidence in being comfortable with myself even while I work toward a better me.
- I'm going to ignore all of the messages that if I'm only doing a little bit, I'm already failing. The "fitspro" and other "should be motivating" messages that leave me feeling like I'm not enough. It's true, no one is going to ask me to be on the cover a fitness magazine, but what I can do is enough and a healthy me that has 10 pounds more than I did at 22, is better than a crazy, obsessed, stressed, and overworked me that fits into some old pants.
Small steps, consistent progress, and a healthy lifestyle that I enjoy. Hopefully this is the last " New Plan" that I need. Hopefully everything I add after this will just be an extension of these steps so that even if I don't lose the weight, I'm healthy, confident, and capable.
I called a photographer friend and set a date to do a fun shoot in March as a surprise for my husband (who is supportive, loving, and affirming even while I tried to meet some crazy ideal and beat myself up for failing). I'm going to work toward that goal (since I know myself and goals help) and come March I'm going take those photos even if I haven't dropped a single pound or toned my muscles to look like a swimsuit model. I think the whole process will be good and will help me let go of my unreasonable expectations of what I "should" look like and what I "should" be able to accomplish.
I'm going to do what I can, because its enough.