Monday, September 30, 2013
Thank you all for the kind and very much appreciated consoling messages about my last blog. They most truly meant a lot to me and I will respond to each one.
You must be thinking I am very inconsiderate because of my paltry responses and I do not mean to be.
I have been overwhelmed with too much work and really none of it can be skipped or ignored or taken lightly.
Biting off more than I can chew has been a perennial problem in my life. And has led to obesity! In the past ten days or so I have noticed that with a full-time job and with a small BLC leadership role, I have neglected my own exercise. I am doing some exercise but not as much as I would like. I know that exercise is there and I know that I want to do it, but I think that everything worth doing is worth doing well and I cannot cut corners. So you, my blog readers, are the corners I have cut although you are closest to my heart.
So recently I found out that a group of people were judging me rather harshly for something I wrote in a most jovial mood on a Spark Blog a long time ago but none of them came forward to ask for clarification or to confront me about their feelings. And that experience has made me cry a lot and lose sleep but it's also made me determined to somehow "prove" my credentials as a nice person. And yet really, who is the "mean girl" in this picture?
Why cannot I transcend the judgment of others? Why do I want to be taken seriously as a legitimate person? Is it a good or a bad sign that instead of mildly accepting the fact that these people have a right to condemn me and gossip about me, I want to judge them as being a bit intolerant and prissily judgemental? And why am I bending over backwards to please them? I guess it's the professional and courteous thing to do.
Why do I take on the harshness from some but am not moved by the praise I sometimes get from others?
Clearly I need to work not merely on diet and exercise and time management but on all of those ego wounds slowly seeping nastiness into my limited self-esteem.