This is so much more than eating too much food

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Looking in the mirror, I see the person I am and the person I never wanted to be looking back. So many years are now gone, and I'm still the little child hiding in the attic to insulate myself from it all. I didn't want to think, then, and I still try not to really delve too deep even today. I walled myself off when I was small, and rarely emerge even now from my "safe" cubby hole. Eating has been just another way to build those walls around me. Another way to escape having to really try much of anything and failing - or at least I think I'd fail. From walking away from my first love because I was sure he'd find someone prettier and certainly more talented than me, to wanting to run away from real challenges at work even today - it's always been because I never felt worth it. I've always felt like a disappointment. I couldn't - can't - do it runs through my thoughts and actions year after year after year.

I want to take that first step outside, to stop living in this constricting hole before I'm too old to even care. I want to shed this person and find out who is really in there.

First step is planning tomorrow - one day at a time as they say.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good for you facing that there is more to this puzzle than just food. It takes some self-thought, and some appreciation that you're worth treating better than that. You have a beautiful soul, and your soul deserves a great home... a well-nourished, functioning body!
    1633 days ago
    Wow! That's really deep for a first blog. I hide behind my weight and now behind my clutter. Walking has been really good for me just to get me "out and about" instead of just hiding. I think a lot of people here on SP can relate to why we eat...what it is we are really hungry for...and it's NOT food.

    I'm glad you feel safe enough to share this. I hope you'll stop by the 12 Weeks Walking team and post on some of the threads and get some inspiration and motivation from a really great group of people who will be gentle with you and encourage you. They certainly do that for me!! Let us know how we can help you and if you don't feel comfortable doing that, just send me a spark mail! I'll listen. I won't have many answers for you, but I'll listen.
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    1634 days ago
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    1634 days ago
    You can do it!!
    1634 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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