I am spiraling downwards yet again trying to grasp onto something.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Oh gosh, thank God my PTSD counseling is tomorrow. I really need it! We spoke last session about how I was retreating back into my hole and my mood was matching my dark hole. Last session I was upset because of the fire that destroyed the boardwalk in Seaside, NJ and afraid they were going to divert the funds to rebuild the boardwalk instead of finally getting around to fixing our homes in NJ as there are still so many of us waiting to rebuild. The funds to rebuild our homes are constantly being diverted.
My counselor told me it was a good thing that I realized I was going back to my way of dealing with Sandy and retreat inside myself. She said that I was halfway in the hole but she felt I would "claw" my way back up out of it. She wanted to see me last week but I asked if we could do every other week . She reluctantly agreed because she felt I was a "fighter." This week I won't be so lucky. I know I will be busted back to weekly counseling sessions.
After reading today's newspaper I am feeling less hope and falling deeper. Evidently FEMA is now saying that our crawl spaces must be above the FEMA requirements. I was praying I could increase my cinder block crawl space (there is nothing under there) so I would not have to move the house temporarily to put the house on pilings.
We still don't know if the ground can support the weight of a house on pilings.
They are also saying that the Flood Insurance rates will increase dramatically should we ( my fellow NJ homeowners ) decide to sell the house. The rates have increased but not thousands of dollars. I can handle increases of hundreds of dollars but not thousands. The new homeowner would have to pay much higher premiums, like upwards of $10,000 dollars. Remember, my house is not even on the water but still in a Flood Zone. More of us are in Flood Zones because they extended them due to Sandy's destruction.
This new law goes into effect on October 1st. It is going to force a lot of people into foreclosure if it doesn't get shot down through protests or we can get our Congressmen to repeal it so it does not get enacted. It is called the Biggert-Waters Act.
A lot of you have said I should just walk away and start anew. I can't do that at 58 years old. That house is my "retirement" I need to rebuild then sell it and move into a smaller place like the condo where I am staying now till I can rebuild. I need to put the money of the sale of my home into the bank to be able to live off of once I retire. We all know Social Security will not be there for us when we retire.
I just want to retreat to my bed and pull the covers over my head and not deal with anything.