BECK DIET SOLUTION DAY 19: STOP FOOLING YOURSELF
This exercise reminds me of a night in Puerto Rico when a lizard dropped from the ceiling onto my face, waking me. Walking into the kitchen that we swept and mopped each night after dinner and turning on the light, I saw an army of cockroaches scatter from across the floor into the cracks and crevices. They had come in from the lush tropics outside, under cover of night, to make their rounds. Just checking to see if anything was available for munching and making egg nurseries, I guess.
I've cleaned up a lot of my mental space over the last eighteen days of Beck training. I've felt pretty solid in my new skills and I'm showing small but steady losses on the scale. But the past few days I've noticed that I'm starting to nibble on slivers of carrot and to lick measuring spoons when I'm cooking. I wasn't aware of any thoughts triggering these actions but they must be sneaking in under cover of darkness and finding some part of my brain to feed on.
The Buddha said that thought becomes action, action becomes habit and habit becomes character. So watch the thought! He must have been great at thinking like a thin person.
Day 19 shows up just in time to help me shine some light on those stealth thoughts and, I hope, keep it on so they either don't crawl back or if they do (as seems more likely) I can swat them with a mental broom. Beck has a handy checklist of delusional thoughts and I recognized some of mine in the light of her checklist. Ready for a peak into the tropics of my mind for some unskillful thoughts?
It's just a little piece.
It's not fattening.
It's really part of my planned meal.
It won't matter.
It will go to waste!
I really want it.
I don't care.
I'll adjust for it later.
It won't matter.
What's the use?
I made one Response Card for all of these delusional thoughts. I could have made a response to each delusional thought but for me, it all comes down to one thing... and one thing is easier to remember. "Don't believe everything my mind tells me." As I've done for every other Beck skill, I made a commitment card and a reward-from-this-skill card.
RESPONSE CARD: It�s NOT OKAY TO CHEAT. Cheating on a diet and expecting it to work is like cheating on a marriage and expecting that to work. Honor your commitments.
COMMITMENT CARD: The next time I catch myself thinking a delusional thought I�m going to say out loud, �It�s not okay to cheat on your spouse or your diet.�
REWARD CARD: DIETING WILL BE EASIER ONCE I STOP FOOLING MYSELF.
My Beck index card file is getting fat
so I won�t have to.