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Long introspection of what my real goals are

Friday, September 27, 2013

Sorry in advance for how long and rambling this is. I

Let's review a little, shall we?

I've been getting back into what I really like calling "fitness-ing" these last couple months, with a more concerted effort the last few weeks.

My boyfriend is on a major healthy kick, which has been helpful getting me motivated to get back in the groove again. I didn't ever have a real life person who was trying to get in shape the same time as me the other phases of my, oh, let's call it Journey.

He's already in good shape, though he wants to spot reduce in a couple places I guess and he wants to get RIPPED for Halloween, that's what he's using as a motivator.
So, we have very different actual goals, but both have the same idea of using this date as our goal to succeed by.

This is the first time I've ever had a specific, short term date as my goal.

So, as I wrote in my last blog, last weekend was a big ol' flop when it came to being in the mode of fitnessing. This was on the heels of an UNPRECEDENTED in all the years of my fitnessing low calorie, on top of working out week. I found this very frustrating, even though it didn't actually de-rail me after that, which was my real fear: I worked out/ did long walk Monday-Weds this week, which is my basic 3 day/ week goal!

This week however I knew was kind of ridiculous to try to diet for because Wednesday was a dinner at a mexican restaurant and drinks out for my good friend's bachelor-bachelorette night, then Friday (today) is their tiny wedding ceremony with just a few people, followed by dinner and beers at a gastro-pub, and Saturday is a big party at their house.

Now, I know that it is totally POSSIBLE to weather holidays/parties/special occasions with strategies like limiting drinking/not drinking, eating before/eating salads etc.

Wednesday happened and the salads at the restaurant we ended up at looked awful, so I got beef enchiladas, and I had 2 margaritas that were on the table, and I had some "adult shaped" brownies at the bar, and a couple more drinks.

GUESS WHAT, the next day I added them up and I was way over calories. This is not SHOCKING by any means, I knew this week was going to be a wash, and I also didn't do things I could have done like say no to the margaritas, not had brownies, etc.

I totally started to feel down about things, about blowing it, about myself.

This is where I realized somethign.

Remember how you were for like 2 YEARS?? You were healthy, you were active, you didn't FREAK OUT ABOUT DIET!! You still had FUN!! You were on top of it most of the time, made most of your workout goals (3 - 4 days a week), and on the weekends you had fun and tried to be more reasonable than you COULD be.

AND GUESS WHAT: You lost weight! It worked! You had a great time, felt super happy and healthy, and lost ~20 lbs and a lot of body fat percent, could run, could do full push ups, could do a billion bicycle crunches, could wear cute clothes.

AND YOU DIDN'T FREAK OUT about going over calories.

That's because my goal before was based on improvement, not end result.

I already know I'm doing better than I was a couple months ago. I feel shaky some times, but I feel ON TOP of this again, like fitness-ing is a part of my life and identity again. I track my food, I buy vegetables, I bring lunches, I work physical activity into my life in a concerted way.

AND I want to have fun! I don't want this to be about the scale!!!!!!
IT DIDN'T USED TO BE, remember that, lady??

So, phew, kind of exhausting inner turmoil.

I feel like short term goal, neat idea. But it also opened the door to feeling like I need to be perfect. I think that set me up last week for that EPIC bad weekend, cause I'd been trying SO HARD all week.

Also, I need to remember that yes, I do want to lose weight, but not that much weight. More important since starting over is that I realize that I've lost so much of my physical abilities.
Those are a way better and more important goal to focus on that than the other:


more than my: VANITY pounds.

In other words, if I do the workout but then eat 1900-2100 hundred calories that day (my SP goal is 1300-1660) then GUESS WHAT, that was still good for me, my heart, my brain, my body. Won't probably be the 1/7th of an lb loss as I hoped, but it's not therefore worthless. What an insane thought.

For me, this is the kind of thinking that will work. I'm learning now what kinds of thinking WON'T help me.

Also, I need to not let my boyfriends goals and progress get to me. I have progressed already in a lot of crucial ways in order for me to make long term improvements. He can get abs right now, that'll be great, it's not a competition.
AND, let's not forget, then I'll get to TOUCH them.

Hehe, oh my! ;)

We are all winners here.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It sounds like you're in the right mental space when it comes to this process. It really is about your health, not about the scale or your looks. I mean, you could starve yourself and drop lots of pounds but you'd feel like sh*t and potentially have long-term health issues. Greg said to me the other day (paraphrased): when your goal is to be healthy, you will ALWAYS see results.
    1637 days ago
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