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    BESTMENOW70   1,861
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Struggling

Friday, September 27, 2013

I'm dealing with my mother who has dementia from a stroke. Her memory is getting worse and she's getting very confrontational with the people who live in her apartment complex. She's been told, one more complaint and she has to leave. She would like to move to another apartment complex but I'm thinking that she's needing to move someplace where she can get more help. She's sure people come into her apartment and move things; that they come in and leave things...objects that are hers but she forgets they are hers. Like she was asking who did all the things in her closet belong to. She's sure people are talking about her, are lying to her, etc. Her doctor is getting her in to see a nurologist to see if she's unable to reason. I'm going to have to try and convince her that moving to a home with the proper care is the best move to make at this time. She will be 91 in February and it is so difficult to see her go this route. She would have preferred to just die in her sleep then this....... So, I'm not thinking of diet much right now. Actually I'm crying as I type right now because there is nothing I can do to really make things better.
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KOFFEENUT 9/27/2013 8:59PM

    This is so hard. We didn't understand the extent of my MIL's dementia until my FIL died suddenly. She kept telling us it had been nice to visit us, but she was ready to go home. These conversations took place in the home she'd lived in 34 years. The clincher was when she was consoling my DH one morning on his father's death. She asked if my FIL had been married. My DH had to tell her he'd been married to HER for 64 years.

Take care of yourself through this. It is difficult to have someone you love struggle with this and you're right - there is very little you can do but make sure they are safe and continue to love them.

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HILLSLUG98239 9/27/2013 12:10PM

    You are in a tough spot. I can't imagine the emotional turmoil this causes you. How sad.

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BESTMENOW70 9/27/2013 11:17AM

    It just tears me apart to see such an independent woman come to this. My husband and I are 70 and 71 with our own medical problems so we both feel that we couldn't deal with caring for her 24 hours a day. I take her grocery shopping once a week and to all her doctor appointments or wherever she needs to go. I know she wakes up and can't go back to sleep so she sits up. I did promise her I wouldn't put her in a home but I don't see any other solution now. We both see the same doctor and the doctor thinks that would be best too. It's going to be hard on her no matter which way we go.
I really appreciate everyone's comments.

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KACAR51 9/27/2013 11:00AM

    So sorry! I would be upset too! emoticon emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 9/27/2013 11:00AM

    I understand because I work with so many people and their families with dementia. For her safety she does need more care. She could start wandering in the night or other times and get lost or hurt. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's a fact about dementia. She might not. I hate that disease! It robs the person of so much dignity and life. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you face decisions and pain in making those decisions. It's hard to watch our parents aging. My mother passed away before she got to that point, at 81 years old. She was having some memory problems, but more problems form advanced osteoporosis, complications of diabetes, and congestive heart failure. She wanted me to promise she would never go into a nursing home but I couldn't make her that promise because I couldn't take care of her myself since I'm single and have to work full time to support myself and couldn't quit to take care of her. She was in an assisted living facility, which she accepted, and thankfully she passed away there before she deteriorated to where they couldn't take care of her in that type of facility and she would have to go into a nursing home. emoticon

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CAROL494 9/27/2013 10:53AM

  I can relate as my 92-year-old dad is having memory problems also. It is an emotional time in our lives. Take care. emoticon

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