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I'm Afraid to Look

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Things are going from bad to worse. Hate to think what is going to go south next.

In response to those who wanted to know how my principal got hired for the job with absolutely no classroom experience, that's par for the course in small communities.
1. Home boy
2. Related to board members
3. Related to multiple school employees
4. Was a coach
5. Best friend on school board
6. In a small town, that is all that matters and more than enough to ensure employment for life.

To add to my stress, my teenage son is suffering from depression. I am clueless as to how to address it. He is, and has always been, a straight A student. He is clean cut, very well behaved, nice looking (I hear this from the girls all the time), respected, involved in church, band, and sports, and has several close friends. Hubby and I have a great marriage. We do tons of stuff together as a family. He is an only child, so he gets lots of attention. I just don't get where the feelings of unworthiness and being unloved come from. I don't get why he feels rejected and unwelcome. But just because I don't get it doesn't make his feelings any less real. I want to help him, but I'm not sure how to go about it without making him feel worse about himself. I'm open to suggestions, and tons of prayers!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sometimes depression has nothing to do with environment and is truly a chemical imbalance. A professional is the one that can tell you. It's worth it to find a psychologist and see if he can talk it out with them. Sometimes things are going on that even close families don't realize . Being a teenager is tough.
    1601 days ago
    emoticon for the pic. emoticon for you, and a good counselor for your son. Unfortunately depression can be deadly.
    1603 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    So sorry your son is having problems. Sending good thoughts and well wishes and prayers your way. emoticon emoticon
    1606 days ago
  • GAYLE-G-63
    emoticon emoticon emoticon To you and your son!
    1606 days ago
    Prayers for you and son

    Also I am sure sparks deals with depression in teens --under spark teen!
    it might be something at school?
    sit down and have an open talk with him -- he will love you more for it!

    1606 days ago
    So sorry you have been hit with a double whammy.....the principal/evaluation problem is out of your hands, try to trust that it will turn out well.
    Concerning your son, does your church have a Youth Group or youth Ministry that your son is active in? If so you might suggest to the Leader that they try this activity. Topics in the form of questions are written on slips of paper and one is picked out of a container.

    Examples: Have you ever witnessed someone being bullied? What did you do? What can you do?
    Do you know someone who is having problems or is feeling depressed? Would you ignore, or would you ask if the person would like to talk?
    If a friend seems angry all the time. What would you do?

    The idea here is to get the kids talking without relating the problem to an individual. Your son may have suggestions for the group that will help him with whatever he is going through.

    It will also give you an opportunity to ask, what did you do at Youth Group tonight, and hopefully he will open up to you.

    emoticon and emoticon
    1606 days ago
    I see a world full of people who had no prior experience and hired into amazing jobs.
    1606 days ago
  • PMAY0313
    1606 days ago
  • TINY67
    Check, in confidential, with his best friend.
    1606 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    with our children we found family counselling most helpful........
    it helped us get through some of those darker days with teens.....
    praying for you and your family.........
    blessings and hugs...............lita

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1606 days ago
    Praying for your son and your family. Councilling would be a good start if he would be open to going. School councellors would be a great start. I always believe medication is a last resort. I am praying that God will heal your son completely and keep him wrapped in his comforting arms through all this and lead you as a family in the direction that will help your son.
    God Bless,
    Joan emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1606 days ago
    Praying for wisdom and discernment for you regarding your son. He is a precious child of God, praying for healing in the arms of our Savior.
    1606 days ago
    Sounds like nepotism at its best (or worst) for the new boss.

    Poor kiddo - maybe it's just teenage hormones, but I hope he gets better soon.
    1606 days ago
    emoticon Praying for you & your son.
    1606 days ago
    1606 days ago
    How others view you/your life situation, and how you view yourself/your life situation can be completely different. The pressures one person feels may not be a problem for someone else. That said, do your research and find the best doctor(s) (counselors) for him. Then talk with your son about interviewing these doctors to see who he is most comfortable about working with him to find a resolution to his depression. Maybe it will be that he is just overwhelmed with the responsibilities he believes he has as an only child, straight A's, band, sports, being so very good. Sometimes being very special must get to be hard work.
    love and hugs and prayers for your son and his family..
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Audra
    1606 days ago
    1606 days ago
  • DR1939
    Depression is not always situational, Often it is has no clear cause. A child or adolescent psychiatrist may be able to supervise his treatment more effectively than a MD. A university with a medical school will have such persons. It is good that you are willing to support him. Your involvement in treatment is vital not to tell you what you did wrong, which very likely is nothing, but to help you to help him. emoticon
    1606 days ago
    Have you thought of family counseling? If you can do it, that might help your son as well as you and your husband understand better what is going on and give you some tools to deal with things.
    1606 days ago
    1606 days ago
  • DEE107
    Praying my friend .. try counseling something is bothering him and he needs to talk about it before medicine
    1606 days ago
    I am sorry that your son is depressed. You don't mention his age or if this was a condition that was on and off again. Depression is a disease. I would ask him if he would like to seek counseling so he doesn't have to hold his feelings in. Sometimes, medication is an answer. I hope you can find a solution to his depression.
    1606 days ago
    Is he possibly clinically depressed, as in brain chemical imbalance? That can happen even if your life is near perfect.
    1607 days ago
    I am sorry to hear about your son. I have a son who is ADHD and maniac. We had a few years where I was not sure if the two of us would live through. But in the end professional help has helped both of us and we have a much better relationship now that he is older. I think Browncofiddler's idea of asking him to walk with you might help him start talking to you about how he is feeling, but don't push him. Just start with asking him to go with you, but I would definetly start looking for a professional therapist.

    I understand about how your principal got hired. I lived in a small town, where teachers and principals were higher based on people you knew on the board. It is a shame.

    Prayers and hugs
    1607 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/26/2013 11:10:12 PM
    My prayers go with you. emoticon
    1607 days ago
    Is he by chance adopted, or is he your biological son? I ask because I'm an 'only' too and was adopted. Not trying to pry or be nosy, but adoption can present a whole different set of challenges for people, not always, but for some people there are things to work through. I can totally identify with most of what's bothering him. Depression is an odd thing....sometimes it just happens and is like a deep, dark hole you just can't crawl out of. This may sound crazy but what if when you do your cardio walks he went along with you? I just find that workouts, especially the daily repetitive cardio walks, will totally eliminate depression. I know he's active in sports, but maybe he needs a daily cardio workout? Sometimes the sports workouts are 3-4 days/week, but not every day. He's probably got major hormones going on at his age too. Serotonin can work wonders sometimes.

    I will pray for you & your family. Maybe he's one who needs extra doses of TLC & hugs. If you can keep the lines of communication wide open, that will help too.

    emoticon emoticon
    1607 days ago
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. Can you start with his school counselor? Maybe get a recommendation for a therapist to avoid him feeling self-conscious about heading into the counselor's office at school.

    I know the helplessness of watching your child in pain. Keep talking, let him know you are there to help him without jumping in to try to solve everything. Like Gina said, he needs to be able to feel free to talk without being made to feel his feelings are not valid. That's a good start that you already know that.

    I will be thinking of you.

    1607 days ago
    That is so sad!

    Counseling could probably really help. If you weren't in the room with his counseling sessions, he might spill the beans and let the counselor know what the problem/s with the depression lies.

    Prayers and emoticon for you.
    1607 days ago
  • GINA180847
    I am so sorry that your son is feeling badly. You should beg him to talk to you and don't give up. When he does talk don't jump in there and answer immediately, Allow him his feelings no matter how silly or unreal they seem to you. Give him a forum to talk and see what happens. If it seems like maybe you need professional help go there after he has a chance to talk to you. I have had one child for whom nothing seemed to work out and he got very depressed. He may have to find his own solution but let it develop as it will. Keep us posted. It is very tough to be a young person and I would not repeat the experience for love or money.
    1607 days ago
    emoticon Depression is hard for the whole family. Sometimes professional help is the answer. Not drugs neccesarily, but someone outside the family to talk to.
    1607 days ago
    emoticon this is happening to your family .. I know that it sounds drastic but maybe drastic action is needed ..
    Have you thought about taking your son out of school and placing him in another school ?. Or even more drastic may be a change of scenery would be better for you all. Is there anywhere else you would like to live ? .
    I don't think you will get any help from the school board or the teachers ..so just maybe it's time to leave town ... Hugs Susie xxx emoticon
    1607 days ago
    Being single with no kids, I am probably not qualified to offer you advice, but I will send lots of prayers for you and your son. emoticon
    1607 days ago
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