I've been doing some soul searching lately, as in wondering what my purpose is, and what God's plan for me. So I've been doing some reading. The book I'm reading now is on discerning God's voice. Well this chapter is about barriers we set up that block God. This one part kind of hit me. The author was talking about how we sometimes let our families and our past dictate some of our future and our thoughts about ourselves.
The author mentioned how we put up barriers concerning our weight.
Do I do that?
Am I building barriers out of my excuses?
I realized I am.
Barrier/excuse ... I have been sick. ... big deal. I know people that are sicker and do more than me.
Barrier/excuse .... my fathers family are short and stocky, my moms are big Irish men. My grand mother was overweight, my Aunt is overweight, my mom, sister and brothers are overweight. ...... But that doesn't mean that I have to be. I also have relatives, and a sister, that are not overweight, that are healthy. So I can too.
Barrier/excuse ...... I'm tired, I don't feel well. I've had a hard day. AND????? I always feel better after I exercise. and sitting on an exercise bike and pedaling while watching tv is not hard work.
Barrier/excuse ..... it's that time of month ....... I've had "TOM" for a very long time, why am I now using it for a reason to pig out on cookies?
Barrier/excuse ..... I just can't help it, I see it I have to eat it. ...... Ummmmm sorry, but BULL CRAP!!!! I don't have to eat it just cause I see it. I eat it cause I want to. Nobody is making me do it.
That small little voice in my head keeps whispering to me, that I can't do this. That I will only gain it back, cause that is what has happened in the past. That I only want to lose weight to look good in others eyes (and that is a bad thing.) That I will do to much and have a relapse. Ect., Ect.,
And I listen to this crap. I let these barrier grow. I believe these excuses are true. I believe that I can't change. I guess back the first of the year I had said that I will probably be this weight forever and I was ok with that. That was a HUGE mistake! All of these barriers grab onto that and just strengthened themselves.
Last Sept. 20th I weight 146.4. today I weigh 164. When I joined, January 24, 2012 I weight 160. ..... I'VE GAINED 18 POUNDS THIS YEAR!! I am speechless. well no I'm not, but the words that are running through my head are not very polite.
I have to change. I have to tear down my barriers. I have to tell that little voice to just shut the ____ UP!! I'm back to hurting when I get up in the morning, I can't get up off the floor, I'm out of breath, my belly is hanging over my pants. .....
Maybe now I will get serious.