Thursday, September 26, 2013
I call it crash and regroup rather than crash and burn because having difficulties is not final, it's only us that makes it final. I was doing fantastic up to about Tuesday. My stride and momentum, unstoppable. Unfortunately the faster you go, more likely a slight trip will upset the apple cart. The day before was simply great. I had it in beast mode pretty much all day.
Got to my workout an hour early to put in some treadmill time then killed it in my workout with Kurt. My intensity was off the charts. Even when I was pretty much gassed at the end of a set, from somewhere I got some intense focus and rallied, pushed hard and even surprised my trainer. Later, we discussed it and I told him that my mind would go back to when I was very obese and how much of my life had been robbed, or should I say surrendered without much of a fight and something would rise up almost to the point of choking up with tears and I would push hard.
Every rep was my soul screaming NO MORE!
It takes alot to impress him and he was impressed.
Later that day I went on to help a friend cut and split wood and these were BIG pieces of Yellow Birch and Maple. Talk about a workout, I loved it. It was primal baby and the heavy lifting, tossing, grunting, and sweating turned me into this Paleo rage monster and you couldn't work me hard enough.
Later that night I was craving more so I cobbled together a simple circuit of running .25 miles, kettlebell swings for 1 minute, then stair climbing for 1 minute as fast as I could muster carrying the kettlebell I just swung. did that circuit 4 times through, twice with my 40lb, 1x with the 55lb and 1x with the 80lb. I finished with an ooorah.
Unfortunately that set the stage for not being able to sleep, which almost made me late for work and the crazy rush of trying to make it there. There was a crisis at work that I had to handle, with lots of upper management involved and i was half in the bag to start with. Fortunately I had lots of help but a poor start to my day really set the tone. Tile by tile, my day started falling like Domino's and by the end when I shut off the light, everything was in a pile around my ankles. Eating, exercise...gone. Goals? huh?. Even my trainer could take a look at me and know that things weren't right. He sent me home and rescheduled. I didn't ask to, he could read me like a book and knew that I was in no shape to lift.
It is in moments like that, that I found that sometimes you need to acknowledge that you messed up, that you let the enemy sucker punch you and that the day is a total wash. It is also in that moment that I also had a choice, to continue to stay down or roll with it and use what remaining time I had left in the day to try to set myself up for success, to stop the crash before it becomes a vicious cycle. It doesn't change how I feel at the moment but it does keep me from becoming my own worst enemy as bad choices repeat themselves, driving me deeper.
Even in the fighting arts, you accept that the opponent is going to land some blows, that's why they call it a fight. It's in how you roll with the blow that determines how much damage is done, then set yourself up to put the haymaker on him next round.
So here we are, in the ring, waiting for the ding ding. Yesterday hurt and I got pounded, but that does not determine today, only I can do that.