Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


    SUNSHINE65   66,732
SparkPoints
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
 
 

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Yesterday I was at the Villages Publix buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
SHARE

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DANLIN60 10/2/2013 2:17PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRAFTSFAN1 9/30/2013 9:24PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PURPLESPEDCOW 9/30/2013 6:02PM

    totally awesome and well written

Report Inappropriate Comment
SAMI199 9/30/2013 11:26AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARTJAC 9/30/2013 12:09AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANGEL_VENUS 9/29/2013 11:08PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DS9KIE 9/29/2013 8:29PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEZMOM1 9/29/2013 8:15PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THROOPER62 9/29/2013 6:21PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
2HAMSDIET 9/29/2013 5:50PM

    emoticon Oh how true as I live in the land of snow birds and they are starting to land again. A trip to the store is always filled with someone I don't know chatting with me. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RICKI157 9/29/2013 4:55PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DONNABRIGHT 9/29/2013 3:33PM

    What a great yarn! My husband is able to do this off the top of his head and I so wish I could think fast enough but alas, it is not one of my talents! I hope you continue entertaining people at Publix.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 9/29/2013 3:15PM

    Totally hilarious .. Thanks for the giggles ... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
COCK-ROBIN 9/29/2013 3:11PM

    Stop, you're killing me! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DJ4HEALTH 9/29/2013 2:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JCARDINAL 9/29/2013 2:24PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SEAJESS 9/29/2013 1:35PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDRALEET 9/29/2013 1:19PM

    So funny I love pulling legs

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICIA214 9/29/2013 1:09PM

 

I have read many a tale involving Seniors,truly funny and with more than a hint of
sarcasm involved and have given me many laughs thanks for sharing.

I think the bottom line here is 'dont mess with seniors " we are lethal.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PDSLIM 9/26/2013 11:01PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GLC2009 9/26/2013 4:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AQUAGIRL08 9/26/2013 8:32AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GARDENCHRIS 9/26/2013 7:18AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ATLTRAINR 9/26/2013 5:40AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISSDAISY23 9/26/2013 12:37AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 9/25/2013 10:56PM

    emoticon Great come back

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRENTDREAMER 9/25/2013 10:39PM

    "Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. "
* Wow! That is hysterical. I'm proud of you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GENDOT 9/25/2013 10:33PM

  I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for the laugh!
Gendot

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 9/25/2013 10:31PM

    I can't wait to retire emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.
 


Other Entries by SUNSHINE65