Wednesday, September 25, 2013
The Way to Be
Posted: 25 Sep 2013 08:50 AM PDT
By Leo Babauta
Last night I received a phone call from a loved one, someone who I love deeply but have struggled with internally because Iíve been worried about his health.
I want to help him, because I feel Iím losing him.
I want to show him my habit method, so he can give up smoking and drinking and eating unhealthy foods, can take up exercise and meditation, and all of a sudden be transformed into a healthy person again.
And of course, I canít. I want to control something that scares me, but I canít. Iím not in control of the universe (havenít been offered the job yet), and Iím not in control of anyone else. I want to help, but canít.
So I melted.
Not melted as in ďhad a meltdownĒ, which sounds wonderful if you like melted foods but actually isnít. I melted as in I stopped trying to control, stopped trying to change him, and instead softened and accepted him for who he is.
And guess what? Who he is? Itís wonderful. Who he is ó itís super awesome mad wonderful. Heís funny and loving and wise and passionate and crazy and thoughtful and philosophical and did I mention crazy?
I melted, and accepted, and only then could I actually enjoy his presence instead of worrying about losing him or changing him.
And this, as Iíve learned, is the best way to be.
We can stop trying to change people, and just melt into their presence, just notice who they really are, just appreciate it. We can stop complaining about our life circumstances, about our losses, about how the world is, and just melt into it.
Just accept. Just notice. Just appreciate.
This is the way to be.