Wednesday, September 25, 2013
I can't believe I haven't been on in three months. Well, the abilify experiment failed. I didn't lose weight and my depression got as bad as it gets. So I'm back on it. I can no longer blame this on medicine, I can only blame myself. But I'd rather forgive myself and move on.
I started reading this book "From Bagels to Buddha". It's like Eat, Pray, Love without the "Eat". She mentions that she was confusing food as nurturing when she was really using it to punish herself. I had an ah ha moment when I read that line. I'm definitely using food as a way of punishing myself for not being where I want to be at this point in my life. I can avoid seeing people and going to events because I'm too overweight to be seen. I can avoid going to the gym because I'm to out of shape to do anything. I can hide in my apt because I'm avoiding gossiping relatives. It's become such a shield. So I have to work on that. I wish I knew where to start.
I'll keep reading and see if the author comes up with a solution. Though to be honest, so far she seems as whiny and entitled as the eat, pray, love chick, but I'll take snippets of wisdom from wherever I can get em.