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Punishment


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

I can't believe I haven't been on in three months. Well, the abilify experiment failed. I didn't lose weight and my depression got as bad as it gets. So I'm back on it. I can no longer blame this on medicine, I can only blame myself. But I'd rather forgive myself and move on.

I started reading this book "From Bagels to Buddha". It's like Eat, Pray, Love without the "Eat". She mentions that she was confusing food as nurturing when she was really using it to punish herself. I had an ah ha moment when I read that line. I'm definitely using food as a way of punishing myself for not being where I want to be at this point in my life. I can avoid seeing people and going to events because I'm too overweight to be seen. I can avoid going to the gym because I'm to out of shape to do anything. I can hide in my apt because I'm avoiding gossiping relatives. It's become such a shield. So I have to work on that. I wish I knew where to start.

I'll keep reading and see if the author comes up with a solution. Though to be honest, so far she seems as whiny and entitled as the eat, pray, love chick, but I'll take snippets of wisdom from wherever I can get em.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
THEEXERCISER 9/26/2013 11:12AM

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JUST_BRENDA 9/26/2013 7:15AM

    Welcome back. Remember, fall seven times, get up eight.
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BABYSOX 9/25/2013 5:31PM

    You are brave and strong to look deep within to find some of the answers. Each day is a brand new day and it can be whatever you want it to be. You can do this.

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PRINCESS_SOFI 9/25/2013 5:26PM

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GENRE009 9/25/2013 5:22PM

    Describing over eating is virtually different every time you experience it. I think with me it was a learned behavior, when someone gave me a sucker, and said" pretty little girl." When I am bored! Are we similar to our pets? That they get excited when we give them cookies, and say good boy? Happy teeth, happy pet? I know that when I have anxiety, or am nervous, or scared I eat. Will power is easy when I have nothing bad going on. Then the junk in the house doesn't even call to me. But look out if something happens, I better not have ANYTHING AROUND OR i'LL JUST BINDGE.
it's A LIFE LONG BATTLE, AND AS I AGE IT SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE, OR I AM GETTING LAZYIER.

Comment edited on: 9/25/2013 5:23:38 PM

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