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    NOTLIKEMCLOVIN   6,810
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290.2

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

So, that was a reality check. Not that I really needed one; my weight isn't any more surprising to me than it would be to anyone that's been following me around for the last five months (don't think I haven't seen you hiding in the bushes). But it's still sobering.

May 8th, I weighed 239.4 pounds. It was my first, and last, day in the 'Overweight' range. Then I just stopped...everything, really. I had some things happening in my personal life, but even when I got my life back on track I couldn't get the healthy habits back on track. It was too much good food, good wine, good beer, good booze. I made a few half-hearted efforts to start running again (and a decent three-quarter-hearted effort), but the last month or so has really been a slog.

I'm humbled, which isn't such a terrible thing. I lost 130 pounds in seven months last year and it gave me a feeling of invincibility. But I'm not invincible. I'm good at losing weight, sure - in fact, I've got one hell of an ability to both gain and lose weight. But I'm clearly not great at maintaining. I'm a lot like a recovering addict (despite my distaste for analogizing weight loss). I can kick the stuff, but I have to be vigilant and keep an eye on what I do or else BAM!, full relapse.

So now what? I go back to what worked. I track everything I eat. I exercise 5-6 days a week. I COME ON SPARKPEOPLE AND TALK TO YOU FINE PEOPLE. I know, I pushing three bills again, but I said I'd never see that number again, and I'd hate to be a liar. Plus, the one bonus of going completely on the rails is that those first few weeks are just going to be losing pounds hand over fist (what does that even mean?). So, yeah, sorry other BLC23 teams.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PETITFLOUR 12/1/2013 12:44PM

    you made an amazing journey. You can be really proud about yourself.

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LIVEDAILY 10/4/2013 5:25PM

    emoticon
Life happens. Glad you got the wake up call, in whatever form or fashion it was in. Welcome back to regaining control, tracking your food and fitness, and socializing with us folk who missed your cheerful face.

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JUSTLIKEALICE 9/29/2013 10:11PM

    Love your face. That is all :)

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KIN59VARA 9/28/2013 3:28PM

    It is going to be a great round!

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ALEXIAAG 9/26/2013 3:50PM

    emoticon Josh you can do this! You did it before, you can get to your goal weight!

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LOLATURTLE 9/26/2013 9:46AM

    YAY YOU'RE BACK!

You know, maybe I'm a freak or something, but I have always kind of felt like, for some of us, it's almost necessary to do this. To kind of fall off a cliff and gain a bunch of weight back and have that "Wait, WHAAAAT?" moment. It definitely teaches you things that getting all the way to goal with zero setbacks does not teach you. Plus, it makes you go "well, I won't do THAT again..." haha.

So I look at it this way: you got that out of the way, so you're ready to go full steam ahead. I'm sure you'll be amazing.

I'm not in BLC but if I were I'd be SHAKIN IN MY BOOTS!!!

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TKO0551 9/25/2013 7:11PM

    I am in the same boat my friend. ...and posted a very similar blog myself.... emoticon emoticon emoticon

Steph

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SOFT_VAL67 9/25/2013 7:05PM

    Josh, I know you must be so frustrated, but the good thing about it is, you are aware, and you arent in denial about how you gained the weight back and you know what you need to do, or at least try to do, and you are willing and ready and we are all behind you.
I am sorry to hear you have had personal issues, it seems to be a running theme this year.
I can honestly say I catch myself saying things like, "if i keep losing weight" and "when i lose the rest of this weight"....truth is, I havent lost a single pound since Feb. Yes, I have lost, but I gained it back and lost it and gained it.
So, I am actually about 11 lbs higher than I was in Feb.
Breaking my foot really worked on me, not just physically but emotionally and like you I was dealing with such deep personal pain that my focus became blurred.
I am back to the walking track daily, or at least 5 days a week, and I am watching my calories and sparking again.
I feel better about where i am now than where I was even a month ago.
You always encouraged me and gave me the extra push I needed to keep going, just reading your blog about bandaids, I will never forget that, helped me to open up to sp friends and talk about how I too have had to deal with "sports related rashes and rubbings".... emoticon
I know you can get back to that number and I know you can surpass it and knock down all the walls in your way.
Thanks for sharing.
I will think of you when I am working out and walking and know that I cant wait to read your next blog, I know it will be encouraging!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PARASELENIC 9/25/2013 2:44PM

    I accept your challenge OTHER BLC teamer!

Cycles are natural, and some of us are have bigger pendulum swings than others. I fall off the wagon and lose progress, and it SUCKS because in some ways the cycle makes it seem pointless. I've lost and gained the same set of weight for a while now.

It's time for a change.

I know you fell off the wagon. And BOOZE and FRIED FOOD are so good and so fun and I have friends that drink and eat and are thin and why can't I be like that?

Stupid scale.

I know this post seems a little frenetic, but that's how I feel about it-- I'm where you are, in many ways.

I'm really glad that you're back.

You didn't lose all of your progress. You're not starting over from ground zero. You have done this before, so you know what needs to be done to get back there, to surpass your overweight to the healthy bmi.

You can do this. I can do this. We can even do this together, blc competition style.

So good to see you back. Thank you for posting this. I needed to read it.

Comment edited on: 9/25/2013 2:45:03 PM

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ADARKARA 9/25/2013 2:24PM

    You took the first step! emoticon

You CAN do this!

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_BABE_ 9/25/2013 2:17PM

    Backsliding in your weight loss efforts is a tough pill to swallow. Now you know that going back to old habits gets you the same old results.

Sounds like you are ready to get back at it and judging from past weight loss results, you will be successful. emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 9/25/2013 1:34PM

    Is there anything more inspiring to get your ass back in gear than jumping on the scale... I don't think so. Well, you faced reality, and sounds like you have a plan to get things moving again! So get moving, lol!

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MISSMANDAPANTS 9/25/2013 1:11PM

    We have all been there. I'm learning that I'm actually really good at maintenance but I suck at losing the last 10 or so pounds. I just looked back and realized I've been at the same weight since May. You are a rock star and you will blow this out of the water like you always do. You are such a huge inspiration because of that, and because of your awesomeness. Just do what you know you need to do and you will be fine.

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_MOBII_ 9/25/2013 1:02PM

    I was in the bushes, uh, looking for twigs and berries to eat! Yeah...that's it!

Believe you me (wtf does that even mean!?) Believe me when I say, I know how hard it is to drag yourself back on track.
Its just good to see you back!
emoticon

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TRINIITY1 9/25/2013 1:01PM

    Hey, you certainly inspired me to make a goal for 35 lbs for this. What am I nuts?! We got no where to go now but down since the BLC23 started. emoticon So let's keep our eye on the prize instead of behind! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SANDLADY48 9/25/2013 12:50PM

    "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." Or "today is the tomorrow you promised yourself, yesterday!" (or something like that)

Do it today, do it now.

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KASHMIR 9/25/2013 12:48PM

    You have a fantastic support system in place with the Spies...and you are capable of being a great support system for those who need you. Looking forward to watching you bring it on.

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MINEA999 9/25/2013 12:46PM

    How did you see me in the bushes? I thought I was more hidden than that.

I too have an incredible capacity to gain weight quickly. Unfortunately I don't lose it just as quick. I also suck at maintaining - which is how I got back up there in the first place.

You know what works for you so you have to use those rules and tools again, you're in the right place to get the support and I'm quite sure that it'll come off quick.

And yes, other BLC teams should beware.

You're amazing and can do anything you set your mind to. emoticon

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FITAT50 9/25/2013 12:41PM

    The Spies are here to support you in every way we can emoticon It is what it is right now, don't look back, set your goals and move forward.

LOL, I'm seeing Gold not only on your Spark page emoticon

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VICKYMARIEC 9/25/2013 12:35PM

    Glad your back! YOu know what you need to do...so just do it now. Looking forward to seeing you around more.

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