Well, for the past 3 weeks or so I've been having a difficult time.
It took me awhile to realize what I was experiencing was actually my depression coming back and affecting me.
I have been losing interest in a lot of things I normally want to do, and also things that usually make me happy or joyful weren't having any effect whatsoever.
To make matters worse, some of my unhealthy eating habits started to come back. There were several days where at certain points I didn't want to control my portions of snacks and therefore did not, which lead to me messing up my caloric intake limits for the day. I didn't even bother tracking them, because I knew I had gone over, and there wasn't even any clear way to know how much I had overeaten.
Luckily I wasn't gaining weight, still maintaining the 50 lbs I had lost. And I was working out regularly. Last week I even worked out extra hard to counteract the overeating, and this week I vowed to get back on track and not go over my plan and preferably try to eat within the lower end of the range of calories. And it finally paid off today, because I am now under 180 lbs at 179, which is really amazingly awesome, and in total since starting I have now lost 55 lbs. I just need to keep this up.
Also, yesterday I went to see my counselor at school because I was having such a difficult time at school with the depression, and she helped me feel a lot better and sort of make a plan to avoid the depression getting the best of me/cheered me up. Unfortunately the time I spent ran into my second class of the day on Tuesday, so I had to not go, but it was for the best because when my class started I was crying really hard and it wouldn't have been good to go into. She even said I should skip it haha, which isn't something you'd normally hear from a college counselor.
Anyhow, I gotta work harder to get better but that's what I have to do.
Recently I heard a funny song on my favorite sirius satellite radio station, First Wave, by They Might Be Giants called Puppet Head, and there is one lyric I am making my mantra for getting through the coming days from it. It's:
"Memo to self: Do the dumb things I gotta do"--They Might Be Giants
It makes me laugh and sort of empowers me for whatever reason at this point. Because everything I gotta do, whether it's showering or doing homework or eating right and exercising feels kinda dumb with my depression, but I gotta do them!