This is my cry for help. I am a food-addict and my future-self is screaming at me to PLEASE do something about my addiction, my weight, and my health!
Now let me put down the bag of Chex-Mix I am munching on and tell you all about what's driving me crazy.
Through my teen years and college years - I was the beautiful, skinny girl. The envy of all my friends and admired by all the guys. And I thought I was fat then!! Oh no! I was very self-conscious about my weight and my looks, but I had the youth thing going for me. I basically ate whatever I wanted and did not really have an issue with food or weight.
But as soon as I got married, the pounds crept up on me. On my wedding day, at 5'8"...I weighed 135. My perfect weight! I looked great! Felt great! And thought that would always be the case. But so did my mom, and grandmother at that age. Why did I not look at their eating habits and lifestyle and say, "If I do what they do, I will become fatter and frumpier as I age!"
Can we turn back the clock please? Can I go back and say no to all the eating out and cooking fattening meals and being lazy and making excuses? Wouldn't it be nice!
I have been happily married for the past 13 years and today I weigh 175. FORTY pounds of fat have been gained! I look gross, I feel awful, and as much as I have 'tried' over the years to shed the weight, I have not been consistent. I lose motivation. I sneak back into my old habits. It's almost as if I love the food more than I love myself!
I feel out of control. And that scares me.
History: Addiction runs in my family. My brother and sister fight addictions (drugs/alcohol). My parents always smoked. Their health is terrible...and that's another story. They both worked long hours so unless my grandparents cooked for us in the evenings, we lived on frozen pizzas, hotdogs and Chef-Boyardee. We hardly ever ate out in nice sit-down restaurants. I don't think we could afford it. But we did eat some fast food now and then. It was a treat! And when I moved out, on my own, with my own money, I loved to go out to eat at restaurants or fast-food places. And still to this day, my husband and I over-indulge in too many going-out-to-eat 'treats'.
I have attempted (apparently without any real effort) to try anything and everything when it comes to diets and weight loss. You name it, I've tried it. Oh, Jenny Craig, I haven't tried that. But I know me. The problem with me, is that I rebound. I go on a health-kick and promise to stick-to-it and I do...for a few days. Maybe a few weeks! But I end up 'missing' my favorite foods.
This past June I committed to a healthy diet, with all intentions of making it a 'lifestyle change'. Well, I don't know what happened in July, but I took a day 'off' and that turned into a week, and now here we are at the end of September and I have more than made up for one month of healthy eating. I have binged and splurged and indulged in every direction. I have also been the laziest I have ever been in my life. I have no motivation to workout. No motivation to plan healthy meals. And no motivation to even set goals.
THAT scares me. I have always been concerned about my weight....even when I have not been actively trying to do something about it. But the past month, I threw in the towel and decided I don't care anymore. I look around at all the people getting fit and healthy. I see my skinny friends and I don't believe that I can ever be as beautiful as them. I don't even know how to muster up the energy to go for a walk! I am ashamed of myself and I dread any social occasion where I must get out of the house and be seen.
This, my friends, sounds depressing. I KNOW I need to actively do something about my weight and my health....but I have become complacent. My self-esteem is so low right now, that I feel like there's no point in trying because I am just a failure. Every time I've tried a new plan or set some goals, I always fail. History has been repeating itself.
CONCLUSION: I think I've gotten to the point where I'm scared to try again because I am scared of the feeling of failing again.
How can I get out of this slump and this stinkin' thinkin'???
The people that have succeeded at meeting their goals:
How do you stay on track? What mindset do you have that helps keep you focused? Do you have this powerfully positive frame of mind to eat right and exercise consistently?
I have been so withdrawn lately from my social circle (which is church by the way) because I don't even want to sit next to someone thin in fear that my husband will look at me and compare me to the other person and think how horrible I look and how I've let myself go! Isn't that just awful?
I have so many negative feelings about myself and it's all because of my weight gain and the shame of being so addicted to food that I love it more than having a beautiful, healthy body. I can't have both!! The addiction and the fit, lean body that I dream of!
I am at my breaking point! I am so mad at myself for getting this way! I need food-rehab! I need to detox my body and my brain!
Each day I wake up and think 'today is the day!' I plan to eat right and exercise, but my cravings take over and the laziness takes over! And the excuses start forming. Then at the end of the day I feel so full of guilt and regret.
I have P90X and The Shred and other workout DVDs. I have 10 acres of yard to walk around and parks nearby. But I sit on my hiney every.single.day. I buy salads and healthy foods to eat and have fish in my freezer I can cook and chicken to grill. But I eat chips and cheese and chocolate and soda. I have protein shakes and meal replacement shakes and multi-vitamins....but there they sit.
Has anyone been in a slump like this??? What did you do to get out of it? How do you get your motivation to stay on track everyday?