Tuesday, September 24, 2013
The past about 2 weeks have been really rough for me. My husband just got a new job (yay!) but that meant we were out insurance (scary, stressful, freaking me out). My milk supply has been all over the place, had to supplement from my stockpile one day, then I had an extra 16 ounces the next day, so I've had to increase pumping to relieve pressure...which just signals the ta-ta's to make more, and hence more pumping, and...you get the idea. If I'm not nursing the baby I've got a machine nursing...it's awkward, boring, and blah.
Overall I've just felt like I have so much to do, and no time to do it at all. My poor chicken coop needs a cleaning...and my fish tank needs a water change for sure...I don't even have time to feed them regularly (it's okay, they're saltwater aka they have a small ecosystem to support them and feeding is mostly supplemental).
To ice this cake I went back to work on the weekends (since that's the only time I'd have a babysitter aka hubby)...and it is far more stressful than I had thought it would be- not that work itself is stressful, because it really isn't at all- it's that my husband isn't exactly giving 100% of his time and attention to the baby like I do...and it upsets me just thinking about it.
My bff since 3rd grade was in town from California this weekend...and I only got to see her for a few hours yesterday morning...and I feel awful about it, because I should have made more time for her, but I didn't plan ahead well enough to make it happen. And when I did see her, I brought Freya with me (no babysitter during the day...mom and husband work) so I wasn't able to devote all my attention to her. I feel badly about everything- I'm just not able to give 100% to anything or anyone anymore, not even the baby, since I leave her in the care of others while I work.
I just feel cruddy. Hopefully as I get back into the swing of things I'll figure things out better.