The more I do this, the more safe and trust it is to let me cry, to just let it out whatever it is that needs to be released. This is amazing but hard work.
The first thing that came up for me at this age is how stupid I felt. How ugly, awkward I felt and feeling like what did I have to live for?
Even though I am 13 years old I forgive, accept and love myself. The feeling so sad, dirty, hating every part of my body, my teeth, my glasses, my skin, my boobs,. I hate ME, soo much.. I hate me so much. I struggle with every day of my life. I struggle in school because I am so stupid. I feel so stupid…. I can’t do anything right because I am so stupid, school is so hard and a fight every day. Mama tells me I am stupid every day and I know I am stupid. I hate math, I am so bad at math, I am even in remedial math and I still don’t understand it. I am so stupid.. people are so mean. I hate going to school, I hate going home…. crying.. it hurts.. it hurts every day…. mama hurts me… daddy hurts me… daddy hurts me every night and it won’t stop… IT WON”T STOP… it won’t stop…I hate my body.. I am so dirty, I can’t do anything right. I am stupid at school. I am dirty at home. dirty everywhere….
I am so stupid.. crying…… tapping… I can’t do anything right.. I am so stupid over and over. WHY AM I SO STUPID???? I am so ugly…. i am so stupid… Mama hates me.. I hate me… everybody hates me.. Why do I have to be here??? why??? it is too hard... crying… I am not good at anything.. it is too hard.. I don’t want to be here.. Why can’t I be good at school? Why can’t I be pretty like my sister?? why can’t I be smart like Mama and my brother??? I gotta have these stupid glasses. I gotta have stupid ugly teeth… and I am so dirty… every part of me is dirty. Nothing clean about me.. crying…. tapping…. THERE IS NOTHING CLEAN ABOUT ME. I AM DIRTY, STUPID AND UGLY. WHY?????? WHY???? Why am I here? Why do I gotta live??? I am not worth anything… I AM NOT WORTH ANYTHING… NOBODY LIKES ME… I DON’T EVEN LIKE ME!!! crying…nobody likes me… i hate me.. I hate every part of me… my skin. my hair. my eyes, my teeth.. my face, my body.. I hate it.. I hate being in this body…crying… I wish I was dead…. I am no good anyways… tapping.. crying… I hate being so stupid.. so ugly… so dirty… So tired of it all… wish I was dead… crying.. I hate me.. over and over. I hate being here. I hate life. Why am I here??? Why do I gotta be here?? Why can’t I just die?? I am useless and stupid anyways. WHY???? tapping… let it go.. it is safe to let it go. bawling…. tapping… I want to be smart like mama is.. I want to be good…
This went on for a long long time, tapping crying as to how stupid I was. this is so deep, mama telling me every day of my life how stupid I was. I really believed it, lived it. How could I remember things with all going on at home? With Daddy sleeping with me every night.
Let it go.. all the times Mama told me I was stupid… tapping… I was a good little girl, I believed and did what mama told me to do and believe… I can let it go now.. it is safe to let it go.. I am done with it now.. I can let it go.. those were mama’s words not mine.. it is time to get it go and give it back to her…. tapping... I am smart.. I am brilliant.. I survived. I am smart… I am tapping and I am so smart… those were mamas words not mine.. of coarse I forgot things.. as much abuse and hell as I was having at home. it is ok that I forgot things.. It is ok that I was not good in math.. It is ok… I am good at other things… I AM GOOD AT OTHER THINGS… I can let it go…. it is safe to let it go because I am so smart.. I am brilliant.. I survived and I LOVE PEOPLE. I love ME. I love the light inside me. it was just scarry then.. I was afraid to see it…. I can let everything else go.. everything that is NOT ME… let it gooo.. all the times I felt I was stupid… all the times Mama told me I was stupid… I can bring back in all my brilliance.,. all the times I was smart.. all the times that I reacted… all the times that I saved my life or even someone elses.. all those times I am calling back in because I am smart.. I am so brilliant.. I AM A GENIUS.. and I can feel it… fill me up letting everything else go. I am so smart… I am so beautiful inside and out and I always was. from the moment I was born, I was always beautiful.. letting everything else go that was not ME. all the feelings that were attached to my glasses. my eyesight. it is safe to let it go.
God is perfect, I am from God and I am good. If the angels held me. Mother Mary held me.. I am GOOD.. I AM BEAUTIFUL!!! and even PERFECT in their eyes. I can let everything else good because I am perfect in God’s eyes.. tapping… letting go of all those times daddy came to me at night… crying..
working on the Energetics… I saw her glasses fall away.. her teeth just perfect and beautiful. her hair coming down.. swaying.. her dancing and swaying around. loving herself. loving her body… loving her life.. feeling so beautiful, free. that is who she really is.. everything else just fell away.. all the old stuff. feelings…and now so FREE.. so beautiful.. so happy.. this little princess. I am taking this princes.. this 13 year old part of me and bringing her into my heart. Feeling her true heart. her true and real self. Beautiful, loving. wonderful ME. THANK YOU!