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Hanging in there single

Monday, September 23, 2013

Feels so incredibly empty right now. It doesn't help that I'm so far away from home, and I don't really have people I would consider close friends here. Maybe that's my fault, but I just haven't really found a person who really clicked with me up here. I mean, I have a couple of girl friends I do stuff with, but I wouldn't expect them to be "there" for me. One is from the area and her fiance is also close by so she's not often here on weekends. The other is sweet and fun to be with, but I wouldn't consider talking about stuff like this with her.

Yesterday I had trouble getting myself out of bed and trouble getting myself to church. I didn't want to go to church because my now ex and I went a few times together over the six months we dated, and I didn't want people to ask about it. Thankfully I didn't end up having to deal with that and I managed to sneak in and sneak out. And I still got myself out of bed. On the way to church I started crying, as now I really miss my family. I guess that's the thing that makes going through a break-up worse...going through it completely alone. No friends, family, or even a dog to cheer me up. But I'll hang in there...I always have. I really just want to go home this coming weekend, but I don't know if that's reasonable.

Otherwise I've been eating healthy. Managed to get myself to go for a bike ride for more than an hour, despite it being cold and me just wanting to stay in bed and not feel empty. I went to the mall for a little bit and got some nice bath scrub and bubble bath for me to use...thinking maybe that'll help relax me because I'm so stressed out...and lonely and empty with this break-up. I saw a jersey from the now ex's favorite at the store and I just kind of froze. I guess there's gonna be things that remind me of me on and off.

Otherwise, I'm scared to death this week is going to go as bad as the last two in my work life. I'm scared to the point it's physically making me sick. I feel like I'm alone in this world. He was pretty much my best friend here...not in a controlling way where I couldn't see girl friends or anything like that. But if I called him right now crying, even after breaking up with him, he would know how to cheer me up. I guess maybe I haven't done the best of finding friends up here.

It's also hard because I need so much to talk to someone about my mistakes at work, but I feel like other than putting it in here (or having had told him, who now I can't talk to) I can't talk to anyone. I don't want people to think of me differently, like I'm somehow irresponsible and think I'm a bad person.

I just really feel alone.
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    I know about being far from home. I live 14 hours (As in time zones) from home. (Actually took me quite a few more hours door to door than 14, like 34 hours!) Hubby is doing his home leave now, so it is me and the dog. Dogs are comforting, they don't judge and they still like you, even when you don't like yourself. SO at least I have my dog. And you are correct, you are the one that has to make the effort to meet new people. Right now that probably seems impossible since you don't even want to get out of bed. Church is a good place to meet people. Maybe find a different church to attend if you don't want to answer questions about the old one. I have lots of siblings that I e-mail if I have questions or concerns. They do the same to me. Helps me feel useful when I can offer them advice. I am a shy person and find it difficult to meet new people. But I force myself to do activities where I will meet new people. I try to get them to talk about themselves so I learn about them and feel more comfortable with them. I know people that talk to anybody and everybody. They seemingly have no fear of rejection. Standing in line at the checkout line in the store they will ask someone how they like a product in their shopping cart. (Oh, I see you're buying that brand of cereal, I've always wanted to try it. How do you like it. Does it really taste as good as they advertise it will?) Or they will talk to people at a gas station, on the bus or train. If they are in a theater or wherever, they talk to the people around them. You won't catch me doing that, but it is interesting how easily they do it. And some of the people they talk to are fascinating. So I enjoy being with them and meeting other people through them.
    I would say now that you are on your own, use the time to focus on yourself and getting healthy. Work on being more positive because positive people seem to attract other positive people. good luck, hope you feel better soon.
    1609 days ago
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