Sunday, September 22, 2013
I have this visual in the back of my head of a clown juggling an insane number of balls, feeling like they are going to have a ball drop at any minute. I feel like I am the clown, juggling school, work, friends, family, and internship. As weird as it sounds, I don't really think any of these areas of my life I have been giving 100% to, everything feels like I am just plain exhausted.
I have this sensation that I am running from place to place, dropping "sweat pant Jenn" for
"professional Jenn", moving to "family Jenn", then to "friend Jenn" if I go out to for a drink (which happens next to never in grad school). I have this odd feeling about how I feel about everything that I honestly can't describe. Maybe it is that as humans we just don't like change and find it scary, or it could be that when we adopt too many roles we can never really feel like we are "good" at any particular thing. I think in my case I think it is both. It feels like this knot in the pit of my stomach that I can feel in my chest and it doesn't go away on its own.
Ironically, when I feel this sense of challenge in my life I find it easy to manage my diet and to make healthy choices. Working out is not something that I need to think much about because it really just happens naturally.
More or less, the point of this blog was just to acknowledge that I feel different about things and sometimes extremely under qualified for the types of things I do work wise and school wise.