Sunday, September 22, 2013
I've been gathering my thoughts, trying to figure out how to say this. Trying to decide if I should at all.
But I've always been open in my life, and at church last week, my preacher said something that resonated with me.
"Sin grows in darkness."
Hiding what's going on doesn't make the problem easier. So I've been reaching out to friends, family, and loved ones, just getting the support I need. My husband would probably prefer that I was less open with it, but well, that's something he should have thought about before he made the choices he has.
Monday night, my husband chose to call my bluff on my ultimatum. One of the caveats I laid down was that if I caught him lying, hiding, or stealing again, he would have to leave.
So he hid something, and I caught him doing so.
Because I'd made a choice months ago to not tolerate this kind of behavior anymore, I had to follow through. The next day, I asked him to leave. He knew it was coming, and he didn't argue. He packed a bag, and left.
This isn't a divorce. It's not "the end" -- he just has to get help, help I'm not prepared nor equipped to give. And I have to protect my children from his behavior, and if that means that he needs to stay somewhere else to do that, so be it.
I still love him. I'm still helping when I can (getting his meds, keeping minutes on his phone) but otherwise, he's on his own. He's staying with his dad right now, about 3 hours away.
And I have to learn to be a single mom, at least for a while. Probably looking at 6-9 months, depending on how long it takes the inpatient program to call us.
After that? Time will tell. I'm not worried about that day. Right now, I'm worried about today. And maybe tomorrow.