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I Need To Fight The Fat Instead Of Fighting Myself...

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Sunday, September 22, 2013


I know there is not one person here on Spark who doesn't already know that this losing weight stuff is hard. emoticon There are times of emoticon's and emoticon's where things are easy and breezy and nothing can get in your way. Then there are the times where nothing goes right, you eat everything, and you are your own worst enemy. emoticon

I have been like a rubber ball bouncing all over the place lately! One day I'm super excited about my doctor's appointment, the next day I'm asking for advice on how to hold my ground against the Binge Monster. I couldn't be on two more opposite ends of the spectrum from day to day if I tried. emoticon Today what I realized is the only person standing in the way of me getting what I want (getting to my goal weight) is ME. I am sure some of you can relate to this... there is NO worse feeling than knowing that you are self sabotaging and making things harder on yourself.



In the past my Self Saboteur would come in after I would lose about 40 pounds, and beat me down emotionally until I said "You are right, I CAN'T do this, I will ALWAYS be fat" and I would go back to my old ways and gain all the weight back. This happened 3 times in life. This time I got all the way to the 50 pounds lost mark before she tried to beat me to a pulp. But this time I knew her game, I knew how she worked and I fought her tooth and nail until I won. She is so sneaky that she left me alone for a while... but she's back, and she's not pleased! emoticon

Here I sit, what should be 80 pounds lost but is probably 78 because I've gained 2ish pounds recently emoticon, and she is back with a vengeance. I feel like I am fighting myself on a daily basis the last 9 or so days;. She has teamed up with the Binge Monster and they are the dynamic duo! I am eating too much, too many calories, my tummy is not happy with me and yet I have done it probably 5 of the last 9 days. Why now? Why 18 months into my journey is she fighting me again? I really believe she is scared, she is scared of what happens when I get to my goal weight. People around me are already starting to change and I have even lost friends that can't handle the "new, smaller, awesome-er me". What other changes are in store? It is scary, change is scary, but it is something that I want so badly and I can't give up on it.



This time has to be different, I can not, and will not gain back those 80 pounds. In fact I will do just the opposite and head towards 100 pounds lost instead. That will show my Self Saboteur who is boss! To do this I need to incorporate the tips from my fellow Spark Friends on how to deal with the Binge Monster, and I have to truly TRY to fight him. Telling him no and immediately giving in is not a true fight! So the gloves are on (or is it the gloves are off? I'm not a scrapper LOL) emoticon and I mean business. Self Saboteur is going down as well! You aren't going to bully me back into my old habits so I can gain the weight back and you can have the last laugh. It's not happening. I am going to work on forgiving myself for the mistakes I have made, and I am going to learn from them and even though I'm not perfect and will have many bumps in the road, I will continue to dust myself off and emoticon. I am going to take the energy that I have been putting into fighting myself, and start fighting the fat instead! emoticon I'm going to take it one day and more importantly one moment at a time, and I refuse to give up. So if Self Saboteur and the Binge Monster happen to be eavesdropping, IT'S ON SUCKERS! emoticon emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LORIVIOLA 3/13/2014 11:15AM

    thanks for sharing!

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TERRIJ7 2/20/2014 10:41AM

    Great self-analysis! Recognizing the patterns arms you for the fight!

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WOOFERCOALBOY 2/12/2014 8:01PM

    Good attitude.

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GRAMPIAN 11/15/2013 10:57AM

  Good attitude. emoticon

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NASFKAB 11/8/2013 4:32AM

  awesome inspirational blog so true thank you

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AOIFEH1 11/6/2013 2:49PM

  emoticon

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ALIDOSHA 10/21/2013 5:51PM

    emoticon

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MISSLISA1973 10/15/2013 7:33AM

    I love that final graphic. emoticon

Something that helped me at one point was a phrase I learned somewhere on SP, and it goes something like this: "Just don't binge today. (Then do it again tomorrow.)" In other words, one step at a time. Hold out today for just today. Then tomorrow, you can tell yourself, "Hold out just for today."

You are doing great! Thanks for posting this honest blog.

emoticon Lisa

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MCJULIEO 10/14/2013 1:38PM

    AMEN!

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LIULIANASKYE 10/3/2013 10:09AM

    WOW great blog you about made me cry. Why do we always fight ourselves so much. I am fighting myself all the time. I am infertile doc say's i went through menopause early, but when i was a teenager if i got below 150 my period came back. So that is my goal but my selfsabotager says what if you go through all that work and you still cant get pregnant. and now that i wasted the last 15 childbearing years to fat i wonder what happens if it does work. how will i feel knowing i didn't have to go through this pain of infertility for the last 15 years when all i just had to lose a little bit more weight 6 years ago i was at 157 less than 10 pounds and maybe it would have worked.
Well i have decided that even if it doesn't work i will we be able to keep up with my adopted daughter easier at 140 than at 190 or 220. I only have a couple more year that I could have a healthy pregnancy so I can not give up. Last chance to feel my baby kick, to go to ultrasound and find the baby in my belly not another persons belly.
never give up never surrender

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WHITEANGEL4 10/1/2013 11:34PM

    Grat blog....you are hal way there as you have identified yur biggest enemy

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JAIMESIZED 9/30/2013 9:01AM

    You go girl!! I can definitely relate to you... that Binge Monster comes to bother me all the time. And even though I've fallen for the past 2 weeks, I refuse to give up! Your blog inspires me! :)

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THESHELBSTER 9/29/2013 2:25AM

    Great blog. You are just a popular blog writing queen. :) Proud of you.

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FOXXSMITH1964 9/27/2013 10:09AM

  emoticon

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KIM22211 9/27/2013 3:38AM

    you have won half the battle just recognizing the challenge!

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HEATHERFREE 9/27/2013 12:15AM

    Nice Great blog! The binge monster and that evil voice.........will always pop up and try and bring you down...as soon as we realize we will see them again at some point down the road, then we can be prepared to tell em to take a hike!

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GENRE009 9/26/2013 1:30AM

    There is so much involved with staying on track! It is hard. And my emotions, or boredom seems to get in my way. But the biggest binge is usually about fear, and loosing control.
Sometimes I feel like I must be an addict, cause why aren't most people more concerned about their health. That's the bottom line, it's just that every friend thinks you are really thinking about looking skinny! And if they have bad habits, they act like they can't enjoy themselves around you unless you are sharing their bad habits! I thought having friends was about sharing time together, not pulling someone down .

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KIMMIG133 9/25/2013 7:54PM

    emoticon
Great blog!!!!

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LADYSHERRY 9/25/2013 5:39PM

    Thanks for sharing. You go girl. Never give up

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SJKENT1 9/25/2013 10:52AM

    emoticon keep up your determination!

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JRRING 9/25/2013 10:26AM

  emoticon

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KML410 9/25/2013 8:39AM

    Wow great blog. It hit on so many points that worry me too. One thing you spoke about was the change and how it effect people around you, how you have lost friends that cannot handle the new smaller you. Change is scary and when we're afraid we tend to go back to a place where you feel comfortable. Unfortunatly in the weight loss journey we can't go back we must forge ahead face the changes that are going to happen. I know for me thats going to be hard but like you I will not give up I am going to face my fears and from this blog I know you will too! Good luck and thanks for posting. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AAHMED61 9/25/2013 4:01AM

    get busy girl. My binge monster come in when I am free and have no responsibility. Make some plane to get busy and involved in any chore or task. Invite friend or get any sort of assignment or anything that suits u and u'll be better able to get over HER emoticon

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CORNERKICK 9/25/2013 1:36AM

  emoticon

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WEEPINGANGEL74 9/25/2013 1:16AM

    If you figure out how to get rid of that self sabateur please share because mine refuses to go away and has been bullying me for way too long!! We are definitely our own worst enemies in this fight and I am ready to KO the biotch inside me who won't let me succeed!!



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DUSTYDOODLE12 9/25/2013 1:13AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AJB121299 9/25/2013 12:13AM

    nice

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TEENY_BIKINI 9/24/2013 11:49PM

    emoticon

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WRITINGDIVA1 9/24/2013 11:07PM

    Thanks for the reminder! Fighting fat vs fighting myself.

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RENATA144 9/24/2013 9:59PM

  emoticon for your inspirational blog ! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SCRAPBECCA 9/24/2013 8:15PM

    emoticon

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GINGERGAL12 9/24/2013 8:12PM

  emoticon

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MJOP63 9/24/2013 7:08PM

  Self-saboteur has also been my own worst enemy for many years & although I am just starting my journey, it helps to know I am not alone with my struggles to stay on a healthier way of eating and also getting myself in an exercise routine. I really like this site very much and believe will help me reach my goal. mm

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SMARTPOET06 9/24/2013 6:42PM

    Thanks for a great blog! It really speaks the truth, as so many of us have been there! I was just contemplating having a big bowl of cereal for supper because I don't feel like cooking, instead of what I had planned that was super healthy. But now, because of your blog, I'm heading into my kitchen and fix my healthy supper that I planned! The binge monster is not gonna get me, and don't let it get you either! You are worth the struggle!
emoticon

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MSROZZIE 9/24/2013 6:37PM

    emoticon and emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PACKERMANN 9/24/2013 6:06PM

    what one thing can you do today that will make it better than yesterday?
visualize success. :)
hugs,
Pat


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JRRING 9/24/2013 5:42PM

  emoticon

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HOTTIE41465 9/24/2013 4:16PM

    Great blog. emoticon

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SLIMMINGSHAY 9/24/2013 2:57PM

    This is one super emoticon written blog! I love it and it speaks truths that so many of us face day in and day out! Kick the binge monster and SS in the teeth and tell em to take a bit of unwanted 'fat' with them! You can do it! Keep at it!

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MRSRIGS1 9/24/2013 2:42PM

    I think you have the right attitude! emoticon

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TRIXIETEXAS 9/24/2013 2:40PM

    You could have been writing about me -- losing those 40 pounds and putting them right back on. I've never stuck to a health plan this long or lost this much weight, and I worry frequently that the switch could just turn back off and I'll start gaining.

But here's the thing...you KNOW that Saboteur is a BIG FAT LIAR! You don't have to listen to her.

You can do this. You have come so far. It's a new day, and a new you. Tell SS to pack it up!

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RUNNINGYOGINIRE 9/24/2013 2:22PM

  emoticon

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APICHUZ 9/24/2013 2:19PM

  When you get down, remind yourself of how much you have lost and have accomplished. Some people stick to that one emotion for months....not days and don't get anywhere. But you....you are a fighter and I believe in you. emoticon

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IMAGINE46 9/24/2013 2:08PM

  emoticon emoticon

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NGCHILD 9/24/2013 1:57PM

    Nicely said! I love your attitude. We are our own worst enemy. You will get thru this and be a better person for it. Just keep pushing thru.

emoticon

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PGHP31CK 9/24/2013 1:19PM

    Well put!! Thank you for your words! The only thing that stands between me and my goal is ME.

Keep slugging it out! You're stronger than you think, and YOU CAN DO THIS!!! And we're right behind you, with the industrial sized, non-aerosol can of Binge Monster repellent!!!

Sending you a emoticon and emoticon day.



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LOVINSHERRY78 9/24/2013 1:07PM

    same here...this is the first time in my life i've made it past a ceritan weight loss point. the sad part is...as long as we want to stay and keep getting healthy...we will always have to fight to keep our head above water. hang in there b/c u know have it in u to win!!!

the great part about the fight is that you keep getting stronger and your opponents keep getting weaker!!

Comment edited on: 9/24/2013 1:10:01 PM

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GRACILU 9/24/2013 12:37PM

    Thanks for your words of truth and inspiration. Now I more motivated than ever. Too bad I have to work today. LOL!

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FIRECOM 9/24/2013 11:36AM

    Words to live by, Thanks for a great blog.

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GOALWTIN7 9/24/2013 11:31AM

  That saying which I never heard before, Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about is so so powerful! I am typing it out and putting it in on a vision board. I have never made a vision board but that saying has strike such a cord in me I'm now going to make one. Thanks so much!

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