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    MEXGAL1   376,967
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FIL not doing as well as expected

Saturday, September 21, 2013

DH and I met with the doctor yesterday and she explained that the catheter needed to stay in another week to let his bladder lining heal from the bad bladder infection. I really questioned her on this as to me it doesn't make sense and I worry about the muscles that tell your body that it is time to urinate will get week. But I am not a doctor so will follow plan. He does have a strap on bag that goes on his leg that he can wear. Something is going on with him as well as he threw up again after breakfast yesterday. Not sure what is going on with that. I think he is still on too many meds. We will see. He was also complaining about pain in his back on the sides which we determined was from his therapy and muscle soreness. I explained this to him and told him he should view it as "good pain" that is telling him he is doing good by exercising those muscles. the doctor told me to get him some cream so I picked it was like Ben Gay. Anyway as I was going out to get in the car the neighbor who visits him everyday(single woman) asked if she could speak to me....she told me she was concerned that he is getting way to used to everyone doing things for him and that he is liking it too much. She said it was none of her business but she cares so much for him that she wants to see him get back his quality of life. My DH and I agreed with her. We see that he lets them do everything for him...things he could be doing himself. Things like standing up and when he walks he lets them hold on to's just not a good thing. So I went outside and called the head nurse and told her what I was seeing and that I really needed her to talk to the nurses and make them make him do things now for himself. I told her we would have the nurses through the week end but they are to let him cook his own meals(just pick something from the freezer and microwave). Anyway I need to stay on top of this and have a talk with him. The head nurse said she was going to get him out of the house today to go shopping and out for lunch. I hope she follows through with that. I was so hoping that after 6 weeks he would be on his own and we could leave town without any I am worried to leave.

Sorry for the long vent. It's just amazing how different people are. That is one thing I will say for my own Mother, she is almost too much the other way and doesn't want any help...she wants to be so independent.

I am feeling great though and doing fine even with this stress.
I hope you all are doing well too.
Have a great Saturday.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JANIEWWJD 9/23/2013 12:40AM

    I hope your FIL begans to take things into his own hands. It is so important that he stay busy and independent!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DJ4HEALTH 9/21/2013 11:35PM

    You might need to talk to them again and again because they may like also doing things for him and he may be playing the game of being helpless too.

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PMFISH 9/21/2013 10:21PM

    Sorry to hear he is not healing well. Hope he still has a positive attitude as that means so much. You are right he needs to be doing what he can for himself. I know at one point before I had my heart surgery, I was totally dependent, even had to have help breathing at times. That is so miserable but because of that when I started getting better, everyone would interrupt when I was trying to do something and take over. I finally just told them you are making me an invalid. Hope it will not be much longer until you see a turn around for him.

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MSLZZY 9/21/2013 9:18PM

    Some people are too independent and some are only too happy to have someone wait on them hand and foot. Hope the nurses step back and let him do more for himself. He will feel better when he takes charge of his life again.

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FIFIFRIZZLE 9/21/2013 6:07PM

    Hmm, it is a worry. .

Perhaps he is not as well as he should be. Our bodies aren't machines and don't always do what we think they should.

On the other hand, if he is getting such solicitous care, it should be OK to leave him.

He is lucky to have a neighbor who drops by every day.

And good news that the doctor says the catheter should be gone in a week. Once he no longer has a foreign body hooked up to him he might feel a lot better. I don't think it should be a problem controlling the bladder again, and there is PT for that if it is not straightforward.

Are you planning on being away for quite a long time? Can your DH get back to him reasonably quickly as needed?
Actually,what does your DH think about the whole thing? After all, I'm presuming FIL is his father.
And the nurse in charge, what is her plan for increasing your FIL's independence? Surely nursing agencies are accustomed to weaning people off their services? They must have ways of doing this?

Have you and DH and FIL sat down together and discussed the situation? Maybe it would help if you could all reach some agreement. That might involve having a companion live in with FiL for a while to help him feel safe.
Try not to worry, I know it is hard!

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PEGGYO 9/21/2013 5:19PM


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GAYEMC 9/21/2013 2:32PM

    Sorry to hear FIL is not responding as well as expected. I hope he was able to get out of the house and see another side of life.

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SLENDERELLA61 9/21/2013 2:12PM

    So glad you are feeling well, Sallie. Wishes for your FIL's healing and independence.

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SKATER787 9/21/2013 1:38PM

    Yeah, too many meds can do it to him. Never a good sign about throwing up though.

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1CRAZYDOG 9/21/2013 1:18PM

    I hope things improve with your FIL. It's such a worry. HUGS and prayers. I think you did the right thing talking with the Dr. and the nurse. Hopefully, over time, things will improve.

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NEW-CAZ 9/21/2013 12:25PM

    I hope your FIL is soon back on his feet, sounds like he's lost a little of his confidence, it will return emoticon

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ELLENIRENE 9/21/2013 12:05PM

    sure hope things turn around and get better

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GOANNA2 9/21/2013 11:39AM

    Sorry to see the stress this is causing you Sallie.
I hope your FIL starts to do more things independently
as it will make him feel less reliant on others and feel
better about himself. Try not to worry too much even
though it is hard to do. Have a wonderful weekend.

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MEADSBAY 9/21/2013 10:52AM

    Old folks sometimes do get too dependent on others.
Often it is fear based- falling or such.
He is lucky to have such a great advocate in you, Peanut.

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BOOKAPHILE 9/21/2013 10:27AM

    You are such a good daughter in law. Vent to us anytime!
I hope your father in law soon realizes what he's doing to his own capabilities when he lets others do so much for him before he truly needs that kind of support.

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PHATPAT18 9/21/2013 10:25AM

    I hope your FIL gets back on his feet and becomes independent real soon. emoticon

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MJREIMERS 9/21/2013 10:20AM

    Hang in there! It is so hard to see someone we love not make the progress we hope, think and know that they can do. Follow your gut feelings! I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I'm sending some positive energy your way! emoticon

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LIS193 9/21/2013 10:15AM

    So sorry to hear he isn't making as much progress as expected.

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