Friday, September 20, 2013
So, here I am, nearing 5 months of my pregnancy. I'm filled with every emotion you can imagine. Having this baby is what I strived for back when I first started SP. I wanted to lose weight and get healthy so that this could even be a possibility for me. I'm 40 years old, post kidney transplant, and this is my second son. My oldest is 8 now. I'm nervous about starting the baby phase all over again. It's been a long time since I've changed a diaper and was up at night. I also worry about my oldest son, Jamison. He is excited to be a big brother, but I know there is a transition ahead of him. There is one ahead for all of us. But, I know how much I already love this little guy inside of me, and I know we will all be able to get through everything I am worrying about, it will just take time. But, for now, what is probably hardest for me is my inevitable weight gain. I've gained 9lbs so far. A little more than I was hoping for at this stage of the game, but still not terrible according to my doctors. I can't help but obsess that I am only 1/2 way through the pregnancy and I know there is likely another 15-20lbs that will be coming. I didn't realize how much trouble I'd have with this until the scale started going in the opposite direction. For the last year and a half, I've had successes (and failures) here on SP, but I kept seeing that scale going down. And now it's going back up. This is the first considerable weight gain I've had since starting SP back in Jan 2012. And yes, if you are reading this, you are probably saying... "But YOU ARE PREGNANT!"... Believe me, my head knows that, but that doesn't take my sinking feeling away when I step on that scale. I know this is a head game I am playing with myself, and I know my hormones aren't helping me right now either. I've chosen to stay on SP instead of switching to BabyFit right now, only because this is where my history is. This is where my friends are. I've adjusted my nutrition level on my food tracking page to mirror what I should be having according to my doctors. I've also joined a few Fit Pregnancy teams and I'm hoping that if anyone has gone through anything similar to this, they might share their story with me to see how they are coping with it. I know I've turned to the wrong foods in the past couple of months. No doubt my old comfort zone when I am depressed. But, I know doing that isn't good for me or my baby. I know I'm struggling right now, and I've been telling myself at least I am aware of what I am doing. So, here's me trying to wrestle emotions vs reason. Hmmm, I'm sure every pregnant lady's daily battle!