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Still Trying to Get My Life Together...Another Mess-up

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Well, since my crash and burn last week, I was trying to be more on top of things so I wouldn’t miss teaching a class again. Which, I should mention, is something that is completely abnormal for me…I don’t miss things! I still can’t believe that happened last week, but wait until I talk about this week.

Last night I had an exam so I was on campus until 10 p.m. I came home and continued discussing the same things with the boy that we’ve been discussing since early June. And at that point, he said almost the exact same sentence to me over the phone than he did in an email on June 5 of this year. At that point I realized…we’ve been having this issue since June. It’s September. When is going to change? I was pretty exhausted so I went to bed after the conversation and didn’t really leave it with any conclusion. I woke-up early to get things taken care of before my first visit from the cleaning service, and then went to campus.

I taught my first group of students and it went fine. I came down into my office and was working on stuff, and I thought I had to go to my class as a student at 12:40. I went to that classroom and realized, oh no…I was teaching at 12:40 in a different classroom! I can’t believe this happened…I’m writing stuff down and setting up reminders! : ( What else can I do? So I went over to my teaching classroom and ended up being a couple of minutes late. And because I thought I was going to *my* class as a student, I didn’t have the students’ worksheets ready! So I started their sign-up sheet and went to the office to grab what I thought were photocopies of my students’ worksheets. Turns out it was a worksheet for another class that was in the same exact format and I mistook it for the worksheet for my students! There were a brief couple of moments where I didn’t know what to do, but I apologized to the students and sent a student with a note to the office for the correct worksheet.

I felt bad and overwhelmed about it, but I made sure to answer all of the students’ questions. I offered to stay late because of it, and I told them that I would be accessible by email all weekend. But because I had missed class the week before (which is a very, very bad thing if you’re the instructor!), a couple of students ended up seeking out my boss to tell her…so now I’ve been issued my second warning in two weeks. And I’m praying that it doesn’t lead to a pay cut or something like such. My boss emailed me to tell me that the rest of the semester of teaching has to be absolutely perfect now.

So my plan is to go in fifteen minutes early every class. Also, since the class I have beforehand is an optional review session for my class, I’m going to stop going to that so I don’t get confused as to whether I am teaching or going to sit in class.

I just feel awful! I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what’s going on with me…this is the only time in my life where I have ever been this irresponsible, and unfortunately, it’s not in junior high where I just get a detention. It’s in the real world, and I could get pay cuts (which is hard when I don’t make that much to begin with) or worse lose my job!

Back to the discussion about the boy…I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to completely break things off with him. But when he says he’s going to do something, I don’t believe it anymore since it’s been since June.

I just don’t know. My friend Justin said something I needed to hear earlier…”Do what’s best for you.” And I’ve really been thinking about that. Do what’s best for me, right now. Right now I need to focus on my job and my schoolwork…which I obviously have been doing a poor job of lately.

I came home after the cleaning service was there. It was so nice. Now I can focus on studying this weekend and maybe go out for lunch with a friend without having to spend several hours cleaning. What would have taken me maybe 3-4 hours took two professionals 1 hour of their time. Feels amazing.

Well, I have at least been eating healthy this week. And walking. I am planning on going for a run in about twenty minutes. It will be my first run since the half marathon.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you so much for this blog post, DEN1615.

    You said that you don't know what's going on with you . . . could it be that you were just exhausted from your late conversation? Sleep deprivation can severely affect my ability to concentrate the next day.

    Also, for me, when I'm really letting feelings come up, I can get really overwhelmed and spacy. I know that dealing with feelings is the most healthy thing for me to do, but it really can affect me day to day. One day at a time, we can do this.

    1641 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/19/2013 9:17:45 PM
    We started missing my son's orthdontics appoints and such and wound up putting our calendar online/on our computers and being able to access it on a cell phone is great to. (I can't, but my husband can see it on his phone.) That might help you if you try it. With alarms and such, if needed. I believe my husband's mom use a cell phone alarm on when to end her class as a teacher, as she tends not to watch the clock much and would always run over.
    1641 days ago
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