Thursday, September 19, 2013
but it doesn't have to do with anything relating to exercising and weight loss. I have made a personal quest on finding my biological father and so far it has been nothing but frustration and meeting dead ends. It doesn't help that everything I've grown up with has been lies and no one wants to talk! My big question is why?
A lot of people have told me to just let it go, it happened for a reason, but it's important to me, I want to know! I mean is there anything wrong with me wanting to know, it's not like I am going to force my way into this man's life, I just want to know who he is and what happened. Talking to my mother only makes me angry because she still wants to make me believe that my stepfather is my biological father when through out the years he has admitted he isn't, and family members from her side have accidentally blurted out that he isn't. Growing up I've seen the difference in treatment between my younger sister and I by my stepfather, which clearly screams who is his real daughter and who isn't, so of course I guessed it early on.
This was confirmed to me by my aunt who moved back to Houston a few years back, and even though I knew the truth her confirmation still hurt.Unfortunately my aunt left her home in Honduras way before I was born and really never had contact with my mom or her family so she's in the same page as I am. The one's that do know, don't want to say anything or give me different information. One gives me a name and another says no it isn't him, it's someone else, etc. ! I just want to scream :(
I feel like I am wasting my time and money, and no matter what I do I'll never figure this out. I want to know, I mean there are so many things in play here. I might have brothers and sisters I don't know about, who knows, if he is willing I might get to have a father-daughter relationship that I never had with my step father, maybe it will bring me insight to why I am the way I am. I am really upset, sometimes more with my mom, I guess since she is the one that knows and want to make me believe that all is well. She knows I know the truth and she wants to keep pretending otherwise. I know she with held telling me that my biological father had come to the US looking for me, and I only found out about this from my cousin, who only just told me too! My cousin claims to want to help me, but I feel is also not telling me everything either.I don't know who to believe anymore.
Everyone I talk to remembers him but for some reason they don't know who he is, what his name is, where he lives, even though they claim he often visited them to find out information about me, so how does that make sense, I don't know! How am I supposed to believe that! Apparently the name of the man on my birth certificate isn't the name of my real father either, so again another dead end there.
Okay i feel better, just needed to get that out of my system. I'll be fine, and I guess I just have to continue digging.