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I'm Uncomfortable...


Thursday, September 19, 2013

I slept well last night, almost 7.5 hours, and that's good for me, but I'm still tired. I got up anyway, after stretching, but I'm moving slowly this morning and gingerly. I hurt. My fingers hurt. My toes and my knees hurt. The muscles on my sides hurt where they are being stretched for breast reconstruction. I'm itchy this morning. When I scratch I can't feel parts of my skin. It's disconcerting, but I scratch and eventually it gets better. I'm thirsty, and that's something I can fix. A cup of cool water will feel good sliding down my throat chasing my pills down so that my brain is right thinking and my hands shake less, and my body stays on an even keel as much as possible.

I still have a cold. My nose is runny and I'm coughing. I'm generally feeling sorry for myself, and it's okay. I need to really feel this so I can get past it. For this too shall pass. Eventually this cold will wear itself out. My head will clear and my coughing will stop. My cold won't pull me down forever. It will get better.

With more sleep, consistently, I will wake up feeling refreshed instead of tired. Soon my breast reconstruction will be complete and then it will be whatever it is which will be better than now with the ports poking at my sides when I turn the wrong way, and with the left insert being a little off kilter. That will be different when the inserts are gone and the implants are in place and my clothes will fit better and I will look and feel more "normal." I think I will adjust to my "new normal" in time.

Where nerves have been cut the feelings will be absent. I'll get used to it. The itching might continue, and I'll use creams and lotions and my little bamboo back scratcher and I will relieve some of that discomfort. I will learn to eat mindfully, avoiding too much sugar and paying attention to my portions my body will respond in a positive way. I will feel better, lose weight and be more healthy.

I'm working on it. I will be more comfortable in my new normal. It takes time and effort and the thought that all good things come to those who wait comes to mind. I'm not sitting idly by just waiting for things to change. I know I have to make the change happen with my own efforts. I'm on it. With the help and support of Spark People I will succeed at this endeavor. I'm making progress and I'm getting better. The stress of being "uncomfortable" is the impetus I need to make the changes I need to make to find comfort in my new healthier lifestyle.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DRUIDPRINCESS 9/20/2013 8:21AM

    Your blog is almost poetic - you really have a way with words!

I am so glad you are caring about yourself, pacing yourself and listening to your body as it mends and adjusts.

So many of us have gone through big challenges like the ones you describe, and we are all sending you heaps of warm hugs and positive energy to help you on your way.

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TATTER3 9/20/2013 6:43AM

    Prayers. Heal quickly!

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MOM2ACAT 9/19/2013 4:38PM

    emoticon Recovering from surgery is hard enough, but having a cold it makes it so much worse! I hope you feel better soon.

I know what you mean about a "new normal"; I am currently in treatment for stage IV breast cancer.

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PAPAMIKIE 9/19/2013 12:22PM

    Change can be uncomfortable. This can be more so when it imposed (by illness, surgery, authorities, etc.) It interesting that I had a friend with phantom senstaion and he could not touch, scratch, etc the missing foot that had been removed. Someone proposed he should close his eyes and pretend to scratch his toes. He was surprised to find that the pretend scratching brought him some comfort in spite of the fact he no longer had toes.

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 9/19/2013 12:13PM

    I hear you, and i'm glad you vented about it. I hope your cold gets better quickly. It's amazing how much a cold can really drag us down.

Even though I'm early in my own BC treatement, I've already starting giving some thought to how I'm going to cope with whatever is the new normal for me after this is all over (assuming I make it).

I told my husband that I felt like I had PTSD right now without the "P". In other words, I feel like i'm in the war phase right now...but I realize that after it's over with, there is a LOT to deal with.

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PINK-SOLDIER 9/19/2013 10:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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