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CLEARNIGHTSKY
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In the midst of it, claiming VICTORY over Depression

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I am very depressed today.

I am claiming VICTORY over this depression.

I am having some very self-defeating thoughts: "I am not capable of working at a better job." "My character defects are so glaring that I am not a person anyone will want to be friends with." "My passions have left me. I just want to sleep away the rest of my life." "I am a complete narcissist with nothing to offer anyone else since I am so utterly self-absorbed and devoid of compassion."

For some reason, these thoughts are very compelling and seem very true, but they make me want to cry. When I think any one of those thoughts, it is like I am hitting myself--truly beating myself up. Uh, not helpful.

The problem is that other, more hopeful thoughts seem false/fake/pollyanna/laughable
/foolish/contemptible.

Whatever that part of me that is putting forth those self-defeating thoughts and judging the more hopeful ones is not protecting me anymore (don't know if it ever did.)

Today I'll try saying to the negative part, "Hey. You are just trying to protect me, I know. I understand you're scared. Today we're going to breathe, observe beauty where it occurs, and leave the door of hope open just a crack. Today we're going to be gentle with me. Today I'm going to trust that a Higher Power has my back."

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v HILLSLUG98239
    Wow. You are amazingly strong. I was treated for depression about twenty years ago, and I don't think I ever had that kind of insight during the depths of my illness.

    Keep fighting back. You're worth the effort.
    1044 days ago
  • v KREXA7
    For today, don't even worry about turning those thoughts around and just focus on stopping them. When you start the negative talk, just say to yourself, "Hey, don't say things like that" and try to redirect your thoughts. You can do the positive pep talk on days when your frame of mind is a little better.

    And smile! I always find it harder to be mean to myself when I am smiling.

    One day, one hour, one thought a a time.
    1045 days ago
  • v FATTYBOY230
    Im there too. ive tried all the stupid pills. Reality sucks. Tommow will be better . for every down there is an up
    1045 days ago
  • v ILOVELUCY35
    I feel for you. I have been there. I will be there again I'm sure. You have a great attitude and remember to keep those positive affirmations in your mind throughout the day. It's so hard to change our negative self talk but so worth it. I really liked what you wrote about your depression being a way to protect yourself. I've never thought of it that way. Keep at it, you're doing a great job! emoticon
    1045 days ago
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